Rewind
by Little-miss-twilight
Summary: This story rewinds to the begining of Private. What would've happened if Reed met Josh rather than Thomas? Would Thomas still die, would Ariana still kill him? R/J. spoilers for confessions. Full details in Foreword.
1. Foreword

Rewind

Foreword/ Summary

This story rewinds back to the beginning of _Private_. What would've happened if Reed hadn't run into Thomas, but Josh? Well you're about to find out.

A few things you should know…

_Last Christmas _did happen.

Paige and Daniel have a little sister

Their sister is in Billings (As one of the girls not mentioned in _Last Christmas_)

Their sister is now a senior

Noelle remains in charge of Billings

Everything else remains the same or will be explained in the chapters.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**AN: This is chapter 1. Please let me know what you think it will be greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own Private. I just take it apart and change it.**

I sat silently in my father's used car gazing at all the expensive SUVs and limos covering the campus and feeling wildly out of place. In the privacy of my father's car I took the time to gaze in awe of the old style, ivy covered brick buildings covering the green grassy campus. I felt as though I had traveled back to _1867_ when this school had first been founded. That is until I saw all the returning students, gathering, greeting each other. They all wore what looked like designer clothes; at least that's what they looked like to me. All of a sudden I was terrified to unpack. I hoped to God that I would manage to get myself a single and pass unnoticed until I could afford some decent clothes.

I said my goodbyes to my father- my mother was in no state to come, that would spell disaster- and headed towards what I hoped was the administration building.

As I sat in Ms. Naylor's office looking over my schedule, not listening while Ms. Naylor droned on. My schedule consisted strictly of AP classes. I do NOT like Ms. Naylor. I've known the woman for two minutes and she's already taken the time to inform me that she thinks I- quote- might not be able to keep track of all the AP classes. Because apparently, they are more difficult than public school classes. I merely told her that I could handle it, adding a silent _I didn't get this scholarship for nothing. _But she didn't know that. She just looked at me with obvious disgust and uncertainty "Well then you can leave." She finally told me harshly, never dropping her glare. I gently eased out of my chair, and out the door, eager to get away.

**AN: Sorry it was so short. I thought I had better get SOMETHING up. For all you Josh fans, he will arrive soon!**


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I walked across campus, unsure of whether I was walking in the right direction or not, I, despite my best intentions, walked with my head down, reading with my schedule in one hand and my handbook I had received from Ms. Naylor in the other.

As I walked across campus, I heard a group of boys playing football. Had I known them I would've joined them, but it would've been awkward, especially for me, so I continued walking not paying attention, hoping others would be paying enough attention to avoid me, I certainly wasn't. I was still walking when I heard someone shout "Hey! Look out!" I reluctantly looked up, not thinking that the _Hey! Look out! _Was aimed at me. I was wrong. I got nailed in the head with the football. Usually I would've caught it, but my hands were full and I wasn't prepared to drop everything. The ball flew through my hands and hit me smack between the eyes, causing me to stumble a little. My cheeks burned red. _Great way to start at a new school Reed_. I thought to myself.

My head was spinning. I guess the ball hit me harder than I'd thought. I wobbly sat down on the edge of the sidewalk. A cute blond boy ran over looking worried.

**AN: I know, I know it was WAY too short but ending it there leads perfectly into the next chapter. Sorry.**


	4. Chapter 3

so I put my hand around her waist. Chapter 1

**AN: Here is chapter 3. I don't usually like to do this but here's a look into Josh's POV**

Reed's POV

I opened my eyes and stared into the mos gorgeous blue eyes I had ever seen on the face of an angel. Was I dead? No that wasn't possible, the ball didn't have nearly enough force to kill me. But then how was I staring into the face of an angel? I snapped back into reality when I saw other faces surrounding me, I then realised I was lying on the ground. In the middle of campus. Surrounded by my new classmates!

Josh's POV

I felt like an idiot. How had I managed to her when I had TRIED to throw the ball to Thomas? Normally I would never be able to throw that far. Of course the one time I didn't WANT to throw it that far that's where it goes. I'll certainly never a football star. And I'll always play outfield in baseball. Never will I pitch.

I looked over and the girl I had hit hadn't gotten up. I hoped I hadn't hurt her. I sprinted over to where a small crowd had gathered around her. I knelt down beside her to make sure she wasn't unconscious. That would be bad. As I looked her over her eyes fluttered open. She just lay there for a moment, staring at me. Our eyes locked for a mere second before she looked away, blushing. The crowd backed off as she stood up slowly. She looked a little wobbly so I put my hand around her waist to help steady her. She picked up all her things murmuring a quick "Thank you" before walking away quickly. I couldn't just let her leave. I had no idea why but I refused to let her leave before at least knowing her name. "Josh!" I yelled in her direction. _IDIOT!! _I thought to myself. _what happened to the _I'm_? _I asked myself. She turned and gave me a strange look. "My name." I stuttered "It's Josh." She seemed to understand  
"I'm Reed. I'm sorry, but I have to go. I need to go find my dorm." she said awkwardly.  
As she raced away, clearly embarrassed, I was tempted to go after her and help her, but by the time I worked up the nerve, he was gone.

I started to walk toward Ketlar, not in the mood for football anymore. I saw a schedule on the ground. I was hoping it was Reed's so I'd have a chance to see her again. I read the name at the top. _Reed Brennan _SCORE! She's in Bradwell. Sweet! This has her room number too. I quickly scribbled down her room number. We would see eachother again, even if it ment me showing up at her door.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: What you think I'm Kate Brian? Where'd you get that? No I kidnapped Josh and Reed to make sure they ended up together. For now at least.*Cue evil laugh***

**AN: this chapter is longer, sort of. I'm trying to write longer chapters, but I like my cliffies, Chapter 5 is almost complete so it should be up fairly soon. Thank you to the few of you who have been giving me feedback and ideas. I LOVE that kind of review. I would LOVE to get at least a couple of those if possible.**

I blushed as I scurried away from the crash site, for two reasons, for the obvious reason, getting hit in the head, but also because of the blond guy, Josh. Beautiful, amazing, kind, sweet, Josh. _No Reed_ I scolded myself. _You don't even know the guy. He probably isn't even single, so STOP IT!_ Still I couldn't stop thinking about him. I had it bad. Already.

I found my way to Bradwell and to my room to discover that I, unfortunately, hadn't gotten a single. I met my roommate Constance, who babbled uncontrollably. Great. Oh well, she seemed nice enough.

"You seem distracted Reed." Constance told me.

"Yeah, I am. If I tell you something, will you swear not to tell anyone?" I asked her. I desperately hoped I could trust Constance.

"Don't worry Reed. I swear I won't tell anyone. I know I talk a lot but I can keep secrets." Constance Promised.

"Okay. I met this guy on my way here. I can't stop thinking about him, but I don't even know if he's single." God it felt good to get it off my chest.

Constance's face lit up "So who's the guy? What's his name?" She prodded.

"Josh." I sighed "His name is Josh."

"Josh…" Constance thought for a moment. "Do you mean Josh Hollis? With curly blond hair?"

"YES!" I shouted. A little louder than necessary, but I was excited.

"Well Reed, I think you're in luck." She told me. "I'm pretty sure he's single."

I squeaked a bit in response.

"So… How did you two meet?" Constance edged eager for details.

I launched eagerly into the story of how the two of us met. I had only reached the part where Josh was standing over me, when there was a knock at the door."  
"It's probably time to go to our house meeting." Constance told me, walking toward the door.

It hadn't been time for the house meeting. Constance was wrong. Then she'd left me alone in our room. With Josh. Fabulous.

"Hey Josh.: I said "How'd you know what room and dorm I'm in?" I asked, a little suspicious and even more freaked out.

"Well…" Josh started, less than eagerly. "You dropped your schedule when you got up and it said your dorm and room number on it." He said holding out my missing schedule. I hadn't been looking forward to having to see Ms. Naylor to get a new one.

"Oh." I said, thinking to myself _Great Reed, you sound like an idiot now. _"Well thanks Josh." I continued lamely.

"Well I guess I'll see you around." Josh said starting to walk out the door.

"No Josh! Wait!" I yelled "I need to ask you something."

Josh stepped hesitantly back into the room. He looked at me and smiled. Is there something he knows that I don't? What am I missing here? Josh continued smiling his brilliant smile as he leaned in close to me and breathed, "Yes?"

My heart fluttered in my chest. My mind, went, blank. What did I want to ask him? I must've looked like a complete _idiot _standing there with nothing to ask him. But I just couldn't let him leave like that.

**AN: Okay next chapter you'll get a taste of this in Josh's POV. I want to know what you guys want to see in this story. Please let me know what you're looking for in this. I want to make this reader friendly. I will try to incorporate as many ideas as possible within my vision, so let me know. Anything you haven't liked? Let me know. Just push the review button and I'll try to change it for you. I love in depth reviews. Please give me at least one *Cue pout***


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**AN:I finally posted, this is why it took so long; school's been hectic. I'll try to update more frequently, but don't expect too much. Sorry.**

**Disclaimer: I sadly don't own Private ******** but I do however eliminate Thomas, for now, admit it we never really liked him that much anyway (if you did I suggest you stop reading. You're not going to like him)**

Josh's POV:

I walked through Bradwell, the third floor. I saw it there, her door. I had no idea of what I was going to say, or do. What should I say to her? Should I knock and wait, or just walk in? It took me three tries to work up the nerve to actually knock on her door. Instantly I regretted knocking. What was I going to say to her? "Hi, I'm a stalker, here's your schedule?" No. Not an option. But I couldn't turn back now; her roommate had already opened the door and was staring at me. "H…Hey Josh" she stuttered, before rushing out the door past me. I couldn't remember her name. Constance? I think so. It didn't matter. She was already gone. I stepped into Reed's room, still unsure of what I was going to say to her.

"Hey Josh." She said, blushing "How'd you know where my room is?" she asked visibly uncomfortable. I felt bad. I knew I shouldn't have come.

"Well…" I still didn't have the words to say to Reed. So I did something I should know better than to do. I started rambling. "You dropped your schedule when you got up and ithadyourroomnumberanddormonit." I said, the last part flowing together into one word. As sort of an afterthought I held her schedule out toward her.

"Oh." She said simply.

I couldn't help but think; _What did I do? It must be me. _

"Well thanks Josh." She continued flashing me a beautiful smile.

"Well, I'll see you around I guess." I said lamely. I started toward the door; I assumed she didn't really want to talk to me anymore.

"No Josh! Wait!" Reed shouted a little louder than necessary. I stayed where I was, but didn't turn around, as much as I wanted to. "I need to ask you something."

I decided what the hell_. _And I did something spontaneous for once in my life. I turned around and smiled, hoping to god that she was thinking what I was thinking. I leaned in close to her, so our noses were almost touching. "Yes?" I breathed. She stood there, shocked. _I Shouldn't have done that. I really shouldn't have done that._ I kept thinking. But it Was too late. I had already done it. We stood there like that for a good minute before Reed answered my question with her own. "You know my room number, isn't it only fair I know yours?" she asked. I had to admit to myself, that her logic wasn't completely faulty, and some good might come of this. I thought to myself things I shouldn't have, as I gave her my dorm room number in Ketlar. I hoped she would show up like this for me one of these days.

Reed let me leave after that. I left Bradwell and ran back to Ketlar, smiling. I walked into the room I shared with my best friend, Thomas Pearson. My face was obviously alight because when I walked in, Thomas smirked, but I didn't care. I was happy and content, for now.

I flopped down on the bed Thomas wasn't occupying and stared at the ceiling, thinking about Reed. I couldn't help it. What did she think of me? When would I see her again? It could be a while. I thought. I couldn't help but sigh in defeat.

"Okay. Who is she?" Thomas asked. He knew me too well. I was grateful though. I had to tell someone about Reed. This way I could do it and not look like a moron. So with that I launched into the story about how I met Reed.

I couldn't wait to see her again. _Maybe there'd be another 'accidental' run-in. _I thought to myself.

Reed's POV

After Josh left Constance came back into the room. I flopped down on my bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about Josh. I couldn't help it. Did he like me? Was this all a joke? Was he just playing with me? I sighed.

Constance noticed my mood and started to prod me for information "so come on Reed. What happened?" she asked.

I was more than happy to finish my story form where I left off when Josh showed up.


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**AN: I know my chapters are short, and I know it annoys you all to no end, but I'm working on it. This chapter is somewhat longer. Hope you enjoy!**

It's been days, though it feels like weeks, since I saw Josh that night in our room. I keep asking myself the same questions, _who's he with? Does he have a girlfriend? Has he forgotten about me? _Things I desperately wished I knew. I guessed that the latter two would be answered with a yes. How could they not? I snapped out of my day dream one second before someone bumped into me. I bent down to pick up the books I dropped when we ran into each other. I was seeing but not really looking. I tilted my head up, about to stand when I saw him. He was just standing there, staring at me, as if I might disappear. I thought the same of him. I knew it wouldn't be long, if it hadn't happened already, before he moved on with his life and forgot all about me.

He knelt down next to me and asked "Do you like being on the ground? Or does it just happen?"

I wanted to say _with you I'd like being anywhere. _ But I knew that'd be creepy, so I said nothing.

Josh POV

I couldn't wait to see her again, but I had to resist going to her room. If I started showing up everywhere, it would creep her out. She'd never want to see me again. So I'd stayed away, until it happened.

I was just walking. I was day-dreaming about what I hoped would happen the next time I saw Reed. Unless, had se found someone else? Had there already been someone else? I hadn't even thought of that. My eyes lowered. All of a sudden all I wanted was to be all alone. I wanted to skip class; I mean one class wasn't a huge deal.

Just as I was about to return to Ketlar, I ran into someone. Not just anyone, it was her. Reed Brennan. I couldn't help but gawk. She was just so beautiful. I gawked for a moment before realizing I had to do something to say something "do you like being on the ground, or does it just happen?" I asked her. I hoped I said the right thing. I bent down to help her pick her things up as she laughed at my comment. She turned and smiled at me as I handed her some of her books before asking "You sure you don't have anything of mine this time?"

_Damn! _I should've thought of that. Then Id' have an excuse to see her again. I didn't have time to formulate a response before she left and yelled a quick "'Bye Josh"

Yet again it was my turn to make a stupid, last-minute comment.

"Reed, wait!" I yelled "Do you have a boyfriend?" I asked. The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I couldn't take them back. I wished I could, until Reed turned around and responded softly "I'm not sure how this is your business, but if you really want to know, no. I don't. At the moment."

Was it just me or was she implying that she would be taken soon? Was she going to ask someone out already? Was I JEALOUS? No. It's not possible. ? No. It's not possible. I hardly know her.

"Sorry. I know it's personal. I was just curious." I told her.

"It's fine Josh. I don't mind if you know." She told me, smirking. At that point I would've given _anything_ to get into her head and know what she was thinking. "Now Josh I've _really _got to go." She told me, taking a small step away from me.

"Okay. Well I guess I'll see you around then." I whispered, barely audibly.

Reed nodded her head in response and sauntered away. I watched her leave before deciding; maybe going to class would be a good thing.

I couldn't focus though. I couldn't wait to see Reed again.

"Mr. Hollis." My teacher said, snapping me out of my day-dream. "You are wanted in guidance. Your schedule has been revised."

I stood up, praying that I would see Reed again. _Not Likely_ I thought _She'll be in class_. I left my English class and headed toward the guidance building.

I walked in and took a seat. I looked at all the empty seats. I was the only one there except for one girl in the far corner. She looked like… no. It wasn't her. Except, it was. Reed turned and looked at me. I moved across the room and sat next to her. "You're not stalking me, are you?" she joked, but there was a serious undertone, she was scared I was stalking her. I mentally laughed. Just what I was worried about.

**AN: There you go. A little longer, I know it's still short but the next one is longer. I Promise. I'm so so so sorry that this took forever. Life is busy you know? The next should be up soon. Probably by next weekend. **


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**AN: okay so this is where you start to see the other side of Josh and Thomas. I know a lot of you wont like it, but it's an important part of who they are. **

Reed's POV

I couldn't focus in Ms. Naylor's office. All I could think about was Josh. I knew Ms. Naylor was talking about _something_ important but I had n idea what it was. So I just nodded and mumbled general responses.

When we were finally done, I rushed out. I wanted to see Josh. He was standing outside the guidance office. He seemed to be waiting for someone. I had to talk to him. Before I could say anything to him, he interrupted me.

"Reed, I need to talk to you."

"Okay…" I replied, a little worried.

"Listen, I know this is kind of awkward. But…" Josh began. He never got to finish. Constance rushed up and dragged me away from Josh. Apparently we were going to be late for class. I had my next class with Constance, but I couldn't focus. Not on the teacher, and not on Constance's constant stream of chatter. All I could think about was Josh. Was it fate? Or was he following me? I couldn't know for sure, but either way I didn't really care. I couldn't wait to see him again, and I couldn't help but think he felt the same way. Class was finally over, and lunch was beginning, but I was still thinking of Josh, and only Josh. I couldn't wait to see him again even though it had only been just over an hour. Constance knew me all too well already. "You'll see him at lunch." She told me. I nodded and kept walking, more anxious than ever.

Constance and I walked in and joined the line for food. I knew I couldn't have had better luck when I saw the blond curls I already loved so much in front of me. "Josh." I sighed. I couldn't help myself. Josh turned around painfully slowly to look at me. I knew he recognized me when his eyes bulged, almost out of his head.

"So are you sure you're not stalking me?" I giggled.

Josh sighed and said "No, I think it's the other way around. _You _snuck up on _me_ remember?"

I laughed and shook my head. I couldn't deny that, this time.

"Do you want to come sit with me and my friends?" Josh asked me eagerly.

I turned and looked at Constance, silently checking that she was okay with it. She nodded at light speed, and I knew it was okay. I turned back to Josh and told him yes, but he had already figured it out.

He grabbed my hand and brought me to a table that was already practically full.

"What is _she_ doing here?" I pretty blonde asked snarkily.

"She's with me." Josh replied defensively.

"Whatever." The blonde said, turning her head away from me.

_Ouch_ that one kind of stung.

Josh whispered "Its okay, Ariana's not so keen on newcomers."

I smiled at Josh, I was glad he was here to support me.

Josh began introducing everyone to me. When there was only one person left, she told me "I'm Noelle."

By the end of lunch, I could remember, Noelle, Gage; the pervert, Dash, Ariana; though I'm not so proud of that, and Thomas; Josh's best friend. Most of them were okay, but most of the girls were giving me the cold shoulder.

The bell rang and I was less than reluctant to escape the girls, but not so much Josh.

I mentally smacked myself as I left. I had never found out what Josh had tried to tell me t guidance. I was anxious and nervous. I still had no idea what he was going to say. I guess it would have to wait. Otherwise I'd be late for class. Hopefully that meant I'd see Josh again soon.

Josh POV

I was ecstatic when Reed agreed to come sit with me. Then Ariana ruined it. Stupid Billings Bitch.

Lunch ended and Reed rushed away. _That's it!_ I thought _I'm screwed. She'll never talk to me again. _

Noelle walked past me, "New friend Boy Scout? I think she's Billings material." She laughed her evil, snarky laugh.

"Listen to me. You go anywhere NEAR Reed and I will personally kick our ass. Besides, she's too good for your house of bitches." I told Noelle. I did _not_ want Reed joining Billings. I didn't want her to become one of _them_.

Noelle huffed and strutted away with Ariana, Taylor and Kiran in tow.

As they disappeared, so did my thoughts of Billings. I couldn't stop thinking about Reed. I knew she couldn't feel the same about me, but hey a guy can hope, right?

Thomas sauntered up to me, "Wow dude! That New Girl is HOT!" I knew him well enough to know what he was thinking.

"Don't even THINK about that. That's not cool Thomas." I couldn't let him steal Reed from me. He had a habit of doing that, with EVERY girl. What Thomas wants, Thomas gets. Reed was too important.

"Wow dude. Calm down. Did you take your meds today?" Stupid Thomas. He thought it was just because of my mood regulators. I _had_ been taking them. He had to stop holding that against me. I got enough from my parents and brother. I didn't need it 24/7 from Thomas too.

"Yes Thomas. I did take them. I'm just sick of your games with every girl I like." I told him with more confidence than I thought I had.

Thomas didn't bring Reed up again.

**AN: Okay so this **_**wasn't**_** much longer, sorry. What did you think of the other side of Thomas, we all knew it was there, but we never see it first hand. Unbelievable for me 2 updates in one day!! Okay so they weren't exactly long but still.**


	9. Chapter 8

**AN: Yay! This is up early! I can't wait to see what you all think of this. And remember, I'm open to the negatives too. I want to know what to improve on. Anyway… here it is:**

Chapter 8

Meeting up with Josh was becoming an almost daily occurrence. Josh still seemed to be hiding something, he was almost, apprehensive about it, but he refused to talk to me about it.

Josh and I were alone in the library studying. I tried again to get him to open up. For once, it worked. "I have to take a ton of mood regulators, okay? I never tell anyone. It makes them nervous."

"Oh." It was all I could think to say. _Oops._ I suddenly felt the urge to tell Josh something I had never told ANYONE. I felt like I could trust him. I opened my mouth to speak, but Josh cut me off.

"I knew it was a bad idea to tell you. Go ahead. Leave." Josh said, turning away from me.

"Fine Josh. I'll leave. I was going to tell you something, but if you really want me to leave, I'll leave." I started gathering my things, biting back tears.

"Reed, no. I'm just scared. The only person outside my family who knows is Thomas, and he gives me shit for it. I was scared it would happen with you."

"You should be able to trust me. I was going to tell you my deepest, darkest secret." The tears stared flowing and the last few words came out only as a whisper.

Josh strode over to me and pulled me into a tight embrace. Whispering over and over "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Reed." I knew now I could trust him. He was just so sincere, but I couldn't get my emotions in check.

I don't know how long Josh and I stood there for. Eventually my sobs just became tears, and those soon faded away. "Reed, I'll understand if you don't want to tell me anymore, but I want you to know, I'll be here for you if you need me, for anything."

I looked up at Josh. I wanted to tell him, I really did. I took out a deep breath and said "My mom's a drug addict. She's horrible, she treats me the worst. She hates me for coming here. But it's not like she cared in the first place really." It felt so good to get it off my chest finally.

"Oh Reed." Josh said, pulling me into another embrace. I knew Josh would understand.

We were just standing there, when I felt Josh tense up. My head whipped around to see what had made him so mad. Noelle was standing there. "Boy Scout, leave. I want to talk to Reed." Noelle said. She was really different than the day I met her that day at lunch

I turned to Josh and asked "Boy Scout?"

He just said "I'll explain later."

"Hollis, I'm waiting. I need to talk to your little 'Girlfriend'"

I opened my mouth to correct Noelle, but Josh shook his head. Apparently I should just ignore the 'Girlfriend' comment. I don't think I'll ever get the way things work here.

Josh looked at me, silently asking if I was alright if he left. I nodded. Josh shot Noelle a final death glare before he left.

"Listen, I know you're new here, so you don't know how important this is. I'd like to invite you to join Billings." Noelle told me.

_Wow. That was unexpected._ I thought. Constance had told me about Billings. I knew what she would say, but I was torn.

There was a bang behind me. Noelle and I both jumped. I walked to the other side of the bookcase and saw Josh standing there looking very guilty. He was red in the face with anger. I told Noelle I'd get back to her, and she left.

I said to Josh, "You sure you're not stalking me?" I had to lighten the mood otherwise our next conversation would be way too stressful.

**AN: So I had more time than I thought this week, so it's up early. What did you guys think? I honestly want to know EXACTLY what you liked and hated. I really want to make this the best it can be. Next update will be within a week!**


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

**AN: I would LOVE if you would give me some constructive criticism, I got **_**one**_** that I LOVED ****"When are you going to let Reed and Josh be boyfriend and girlfriend. But let Josh tell Reed that he loves her. Don't let Reed go to Billings. Apart from that your story is very interesting." Just so you know Rose, I will take your ideas into consideration (even though 2 of the three are for sure going to happen) I hope I get lots of these!**

Josh and I talked for two hours. Josh HATED Billings. I didn't know why. He just kept telling me that they weren't good people. I wasn't sure anymore if Billings was all it's cracked up to be.

I was nervous about telling Noelle no, but I knew I had to do it, for Josh. I knew it was what I wanted to do, but I couldn't. I didn't tell Noelle until she confronted me one day in the library while I was studying alone, for once.

"So Reed, I'm waiting. Time's up. When are you moving in?" It was like she expected nothing but a yes. Now I was really nervous about saying no. _oh well. Now or never_ "I'm sorry Noelle, but I can't."

She sat there in front of me, mouth gaping. Luckily Josh walked in then. I smiled.

"This is because of HIM isn't it?" She turned to Josh "Thanks a lot. I just lost a new Billings girl." She huffed as she walked away.

Josh walked up and stood right next to me, and said "It's okay Reed. Noelle won't do anything." I still felt like crap about it. Now that I'd actually said no, I wondered if I made the right choice.

"Josh." I said "Did I do the right thing? I think I just ruined the rest of my life here."

"REED!" He yelled "Those stupid Billings Girls aren't the only people at Easton!"

_Wow. _I'd never seen this side of Josh before. He just sort of exploded.

"Josh. Calm Down. What's wrong with you? I may worry about my decision, but I made it for you. I trusted you." I didn't give him a chance to explain, I just left.

**Josh POV**

Reed left. If I thought I was screwed before **(AN: see chapter 6 [7 on fan fiction] cafeteria scene) **I was completely and utterly DEAD now. I hated myself for the things I'd said to Reed. I had to do SOMETHING to make it up to her. I sat in my room, alone, for hours on end. I had no idea what I would do but I couldn't just sit by and do NOTHING.

Thomas tried to talk to me, but I never left my trance-like state. I HAD to get Reed back, even though I hadn't exactly lost her yet.

"Josh! Dude, what's wrong with you?" I snapped out of my trance, long enough to notice that a crowd had gathered in our room. Dash, Trey, Gage, they had all joined Thomas in our room. Apparently news spreads faster than ever this year. I should be used to it by now though, this is Easton after all. Bad news travels especially fast. Thomas had probably said I'd snapped. Well in reality, I kind of had. Still it wasn't his job to go tell EVERYONE.

I was NOT in the mood for this shit. I got up to leave but Dash blocked my way. "SIT DOWN JOSH!" Gage wasn't happy. I had no choice. So I turned around and sat down. I still had no idea what was going on. I just sat there quietly, waiting for something to happen.

An intervention, I didn't need that. I just didn't want to lose Reed. It's not a crime. According to Thomas, I'd gone obsessive. I couldn't help it. I really cared about her. And now because of my stupid explosive emotions, I may have lost her forever. When I tried to explain, they just didn't get it. They'd never felt this way before.

I knew that though he wouldn't admit it, Thomas wanted to steal Reed away from me. Not because he cared about her, but because he wanted to 'possess' her. I couldn't let that happen, not to Reed.

I couldn't say anything though. It would prove his point, even if it is true. Then again, I might be wrong. Maybe Thomas really had given up on stealing Reed. Somehow, I didn't think the latter would happen.

"Josh, we worried about you. I have no idea what's going on." Thomas said for the umpteenth time that night.

"For the LAST time Thomas, there's nothing wrong! I'm worried about losing a REALLY important person." _I_ said for the umpteenth time that night.

For once, Thomas said something different. "How much do you love Reed Josh?"

It took me by surprise. I didn't know what to say. "Ummm… Well Thomas, I feel amazing around her, but I don't know."


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

**AN: Okay so I haven't been getting very may reviews for the last chapter. Hopefully these next few chapters will inspire you to tell me what you think… just so you know these next chapters especially, were co-written with little-miss-bella-cullen. **

I had to talk to Josh. I was harsh yesterday. I'm just scared of being hurt, and Josh needs to know. I walked to Ketlar, and stealthily snuck up the stairs. I got really lucky because Josh's room was right in front of the stairs. Right then I was terrified of being caught. I knocked on the door with the number Josh had given me. I think. I prayed I was right. I was not getting expelled. I could not go back to Croton. Not now.

Thomas answered the door. _Crap_. I hoped he wouldn't report me. At that point, that was all I could do. "Well, well, well. It looks like I have a visitor."

I knew Thomas now and I knew that he was arrogant and egotistical. I couldn't bruise his ego, or he might report me.

"Actually Thomas, as much as I like you, I need to talk to Josh." I hoped I was letting him down easy enough without giving him the wrong impression.

"Yeah, yeah. You keep thinking that, New Girl."

New Girl? Thomas had never called me that before, strange. I said nothing to Thomas about it though.

"Is Josh here?" I asked, stepping past Thomas into their room. Josh wasn't there. I tried to ask Thomas again where Josh was, but he wouldn't listen to me.

"Thomas! Listen to me! I need to know where Josh is." I yelled at him for the tenth time.

"Why?" Thomas asked yet again. The other times I hadn't answered, I was scared of breaking down, but now it looked like I didn't have another choice.

"Josh and I got into a fight and he exploded. So I left. I feel bad about it. Now where IS HE?"

Thomas still wouldn't tell me. He was intent on not letting me leave to find Josh. I was annoyed with Thomas, but I kept answering questions, hoping eventually he would tell me where Josh is. I didn't really pay attention to what he was asking and why, I just fired out answers. The conversation slowly drifted from Josh to me and the things I like. When he asked what boys I liked I zoned back in and drew the line there. "No Thomas. I draw the line there. I'm not telling you."

"Come on New Girl. You know you wanna tell me. Please?" Thomas begged. I wasn't budging. He was too close to Josh to know the truth.

"I know why you won't tell me. It's me isn't it?" Thomas asked.

_Yeah, right. _"I like you Thomas, but not like that." _Or not at all_ "It's someone else."

Thomas leaned in, "You'll come around." Our faces were only an inch apart.

Then the worst possible thing happened. Josh walked in.

**AN: Sorry this one is short but the next chapter is in Josh's POV. It's should be up soon. I'd love to know what you think of the AN: Sorry this one is short but the next chapter is in Josh's POV. It's should be up soon. I'd love to know what you think of the ****real**** Thomas (at least the real Thomas in our heads).**


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:**

**My Birthday Wish list:**

**Books**

**To own the private characters**

**The second has been on there for a year and I haven't gotten it yet. :( It's still Kate Brian's**

**AN: Again written with little-miss-bella-cullen, most of the following was ****her idea**** I just write it. Don't hate me. I have a feeling you will anyway.**

Josh POV

I spent the evening in the Art Cemetery. I couldn't stop thinking about how much I'd pissed Reed off. I knew how I'd make it up to her. I'd tell her the 'Boy Scout' story, and everything else she wanted to know about. It was the least I could do.

I was just painting, not thinking. I didn't have the capacity to think anymore. I looked back at what I had just painted in the last half-hour. It was Reed. I couldn't contain all of her amazing beauty in one painting. It didn't do her justice. I had an idea, I would give this too Reed. I have to do more still. She's too important to risk losing. I NEEDED to get my emotions under control. I refused to explode on Reed again.

I was done in the Art Cemetery, so I returned to my room to plan how I was going to talk to Reed. I walked up to my room in Ketlar, when I heard Thomas talking to someone. "I know why you won't tell me. It's me isn't it?"

_Okay, a girl. I wonder who_

Rather than walking in and interrupting, I decided to listen. I was curious.

"I like you Thomas." _Reed! What the hell? What is she saying?_ I started walking away. I didn't want to hear the rest. _What am I doing? I need to know the truth. _So I turned back and marched right into my room.

Their faces were so close. They were about to kiss

_OH-MY-GOD!_

Reed POV

Josh. He walked in. I felt terrible. He got the wrong impression. He must think there's something going on with me and Thomas.

"I can't believe you would do this to me Reed." Josh said, shocked. I couldn't believe I'd let that happen.

Josh left, just as I had left the library, giving me no time to explain. Except I wasn't going to sit by and let it happen. "Josh please! Let me explain!" I pleaded. When he kept walking, I ran up to him and dragged him back into the room. He needed to hear this. I pulled him back so that he was well away from the door. "Thomas, OUT!" I yelled at Thomas. This was all his fault anyway.

"Pfft. Yeah RIGHT like I'm going to miss this." Thomas said

"Bastard" I mumbled low enough that he wouldn't hear. "Oh I'm sure you REALLY don't want to be here. This is YOUR FAULT!"I told him so only he could hear the last part. I didn't want to start a fight, not yet at least. It's inevitable that Josh is going to beat the crap out of Thomas later, but I needed to explain first.

"Josh, just please. Hear me out. If you still hate me when I'm done, feel free to never speak to me again. I'll leave you be, but just please listen to me first." I begged Josh, standing in front of the door so that he didn't have the option to leave.

"Fine. Start talking." Josh said, folding his arms across his chest.

"Josh, I came here to apologize for the way I acted in the library. You weren't here so I tried to ask Thomas where you were." I said. Josh huffed, I knew he didn't believe me, but I kept going.

"Thomas said he'd tell me, but he kept asking questions, so I answered them to find out where you were!" I was mad. I just wanted- no, needed- him to understand.

"Reed, I saw you about to kiss him. Explain that." Josh said angrily.

"Listen Josh, I know it looks bad, but I wouldn't have let him go that far." I said steadily "He was trying to intimidate me into telling him something, so I didn't move. If he tried anything, I would've stopped him."  
When Josh said nothing, I turned away "I'm sorry Josh." I said at the door, "I'll leave now. I'll leave you alone." I was almost out the door, when Josh said "Reed, I need to talk to Thomas, please wait here." He was obviously mad, just more at Thomas than at me.

"Okay Josh. I'll wait. Just please tell me this, how angry are you?" I wasn't sure I wanted to know, but I needed to know before he left.

"At you, pretty mad. At Thomas, I'm just about ready to knock him out." I had no doubt in my mind that Josh would try that.

"Okay josh, I'll be here, just don't do anything stupid. I don't want you in trouble." I said firmly, taking a seat. It could be a while.

**AN: so… what did you think? That little review button isn't working very hard. I'd love some more reviews. It won't take long. Another update by next Wednesday. I can't update this weekend because I'm gone but I'll try and update before that.**


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

**AN: I got one review I really liked, giving me advice to improve my writing. I would reply but it was anonymous. So thank you to Haylee. You comment was very much appreciated. I love the others too. I like to know when you REALLY like it as well. **

Josh POV

I couldn't believe Thomas. He actually did it. He hit on Reed, even though I told him not to. When Reed asked me how mad I was, I told her the truth. She was scared. I knew she had good reason to be. She'd seen me explode, had I not taken all my meds today, I would've again. I was still going to knock Thomas' face in. He deserved it. He knew how I felt.

I found Thomas in Trey's room. They were sitting there in silence. "THOMAS! Get over here!" I yelled. I was PISSED OFF. I really didn't want to deal with his crap right now. Apparently, Thomas could tell.

"What the hell Thomas?"

"What's your problem? I don't see you doing it anytime soon." Thomas replied

"What about Ariana?" I asked silently adding _your __girlfriend _

"What about her?" Thomas asked, attempting an innocent look.

"She's gonna kill__you" **(AN: ha-ha, double meaning) **

"Nah, no she won't. You just don't know how to handle girls like I do."

_Oh sure. I'd seen him _handle_ a bunch of girls before._

"Thomas, just stay away from my girlfriend." I said as I left Thomas standing there shocked.

_Oh crap! Did I just say that? _I asked myself. _Do I really feel that way about Reed? Yeas I do. _ I realized.

I couldn't believe what I'd said to Thomas. I had to tell Reed the mistake I'd made. I didn't want her to find out from Thomas. I tried her cell 14 times. She didn't answer, and she wasn't in my room when I got back. I decided I'd have to be a bit more old fashioned.

I wrote Reed a note, apologizing over and over again. I knew she was mad for all the horrible things I'd said. At the very end of the note, I wrote _Reed, I think I'm in love with you._ Then I signed it. Now all I had to do is slip it under her door without her noticing right away.

I snuck into Bradwell, past the commons, now almost empty and up the stairs to the third floor. I walked up to Reed's door and silently slid the note under the door and left. I hoped Reed would read it and respond. I could only hope with all my heart that she would feel the same way.

**AN: So sorry it's so short, I'll try and get one more up before the weekend, otherwise it will be up early next week. Thank you all for your patience and comments!**


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

**AN: It's up!! I managed to get one more short chapter up before I left. The next chapter will be up anytime between Sunday night and Tuesday night.**

**Disclaimer: Sadly Kate Brian still owns Private. If I owned it, Thomas wouldn't be dead, and he and Reed just would've had a horrible breakup, New Moon style, and Reed and Josh would've hooked up within a month, or (insert Rewind ch. 1-13 here) would've happened.**

Reed POV

I saw a note pass under the door as I was sitting on my bed doing absolutely none of my huge pile of homework I had due tomorrow. I figured, since I wasn't doing anything, I might as well read the note, mine or not, didn't matter. I picked the piece of paper up and read the note.

_Dear Reed,_ it began _I'm __so__ sorry for the things I said to you. I __do__ trust you, if I could take those words back, I would. I guess now I can just hope that you'll be able to forgive me. _

_I understand if you don't want to talk to me again, just please remember that I didn't mean what I said. There is one thing you need to know. Reed, I think I'm in love with you. _

_Josh._

I didn't believe it. I sat there staring at the note. I don't know how long I sat there for, but when Constance returned, I was still sitting there. I was totally zoned out. I didn't even notice that she had come in.

"Reed? Reed!" Constance was yelling at me.  
"What?" I asked totally confused. I hated it when I zoned out like that.

"I was asking you what was wrong. It looked like you went into shock."

_Oops_.

"Sorry Constance. I just kind of zoned out." I apologized.

"s'okay. So what's with the note?" Constance asked, eyeing the note sitting on my lap.

I wasn't sure what to say. What if I told her and it was all just a joke? I decided that it would be best to write back before I told Constance. But what would I say? I didn't want to offend him, or make myself look like an idiot. "Just wait. I'll tell you. Just give it a couple days. I need to do something first." I told Constance.

She just nodded.

I sat on my bed for hours. I still didn't know what to say. So I decided to express all of my feeling in 6 simple words.

**AN: So? What did you think? What do you think Reed's going to write? I'll update ASAP, but it won't be until the weekend is over.**


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

**AN: So so so so so sorry this is late. I haven't had much spare time; it's almost a week late! :( If I do this again, please send me a PM to remind me to update! Thanks everyone. **

**Still co-written with little-miss-bella-cullen**

Reed POV

_I love you, I hate you. _ It was the best possible way to explain how I feel. It was so true. I hated the things he'd said to me, yet I still loved him. I hardly knew him, but it was still true.

I had no idea what to make of my feelings. Josh was either amazing or terrible and I knew I couldn't do anything about it. I didn't know how I was going to get the note to Josh without Thomas finding it first, but I'd find a way.

I was in the library with Josh when I figured out when to slip him the note. Josh left to get candy from the vending machines. I wanted to shove the note into his bag, but of course, Noelle walked in.

"Listen, I'm sure by now you've figured out that it was a bad idea to turn down Billings. I'm here to give you a second chance." She told me

"Noelle, I've got other, important things to do." I said as I walked away from her. As I passed Josh's bag, I slipped the note inside the main pocket so he'd be sure to find it. The only exit was right by the vending machines _crap_. I'd have to pass Josh to leave. I walked toward the exit and inevitably Josh. When I saw him there I started walking faster. I was just in front of the exit when Josh said "Reed! Where are you going?" He sounded disappointed.

"I've got to go. Sorry Josh." I said, not really answering his question. I just kept walking. I couldn't get distracted. It was cold, but he would understand. After he saw Noelle and the note it would all make sense. I hope.

I was walking back to my room, completely distracted by thoughts of Josh and what he might be thinking. Did he find the note? Was this a joke and he is laughing at me right now? Did Noelle take the note in some twisted way to get me to go into Billings? I decided to wait until tomorrow to tell Constance what was going on. By then I'd know if this is all just a joke.

Josh POV

_I love you, I hate you_ what the HELL is that supposed to mean? I asked myself. It must be those things I'd said to her. I couldn't believe it. I'd ruined my chance with Reed, At least I knew how she felt now, even if it was tearing me up inside. Was she kidding? Did she mean that she doesn't ever want to see me again? I really hoped not. Even if she did, I'd never be able to ignore her. I decided to talk to her and find out what she meant. I sat there, zoning out, again I was in the room I shared with Thomas alone. He was occupied by Ariana; he wouldn't be back for a while.

I knew the least I could do for Reed is tell her exactly what she wants to know. Everything and anything. It's not much, but maybe just maybe, she'd begin to trust me again. I'd tell her everything I'd never told anyone before. I would do it. But would she let me? I'd do whatever it takes for her to listen to me.

I only waited until breakfast to look for Reed. It was perfect. She walked out of the cafeteria and toward the library alone. "Reed!" I yelled, but she didn't listen to me. "Reed, just listen to me." She just kept walking. I used my strongest piece of ammo first, it was bound to get her attention "I had a huge crush on Noelle last year." I knew she heard me. She slowed her run to a brisk walk. "She's the only one who knows. Reed I want you to know me. To REALLY know me." I said. She came to a full stop and looked at me. She looked like she had tears in her eyes. _Uh-oh_. What did I do now? She ran back to where I was standing

"Josh! I'm sorry! I've been treating you unfairly." She said. "I feel horrible. Did you get my note?" she added almost as an afterthought.

"I did. But I don't understand." I told Reed.

"I love you Josh. But I can't get those things you said to me out of my head. You hurt me. I'm not over it yet." She told me softly.

"Reed, I understand. If I could take those things back, I would. I just hope that one day you can forgive me." I said. "Anything you want to know, Reed. I'll tell you. I need you to get to know me." I stood waiting for the interrogation to begin.

"Why Josh? Why did you say those things if you didn't mean them? That's the only thing I care about."

"Reed, you're better than them. I don't want you to be like them, they're selfish and horribly mean. You're to amazing to become one of them. They seem better than they are. I just wanted to protect you. I'm sorry Reed. Will you ever forgive me?"

Reed hesitated for a moment before lightly kissing me. I was shocked for a moment before I realized what was happening. Before I processed what was happening enough to even consider doing something, Reed had pulled away. "Of course I forgive you." She said softly.

I was still too shocked to respond so I just stood there. Reed looked concerned that she did something wrong. So she said "I've been waiting a long time to do that." And walked away from me. I needed to do something before I could let her leave. I grabbed her wrist and said "Wait Reed. You can't go yet." I did what I'd waited too long to do…

**AN: C'est fini. I finally got this posted. What did you think of awkward Josh? I think I'll keep him around for another chapter or two. **


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

**AN: So, since I took so long with the last chapter, I decided to update already. I hope you like the interruptions, well, I'll say no more.**

Reed POV

All of a sudden I felt a hand clamp down on my wrist. I was pulled into Josh's chest. He leaned down and I knew exactly what was about to happen. Josh gently kissed me. While it was light and airy it was full of passion. I slipped my arms around Josh's neck. He pulled me tightly into him, elevating the levels of passion. Josh and I broke apart but stood there in each other's arms.

"Hey! Hollis Hugger!" I heard behind me. I didn't need to turn around to know exactly who it was. Josh pulled away from me regardless. He was evidently embarrassed.

I spun around and gave Noelle the worst death glare I could manage. "Noelle! LEAVE!" I yelled at her. "What are you doing here?" She was in the worst possible place at the worst possible time.

"I came to see you Hollis Hugger." Noelle said happily. "Just come talk to me. Please?" Noelle definitely wasn't her usual, cocky arrogant, self.

"Noelle, what's wrong with you? Why are you acting so strange?" I asked.

"I just really need to talk to you Hollis Hugger."

"ENOUGH with the Hollis Hugger thing!" I yelled. I was really irritated. Noelle needed to leave, NOW. "Please Noelle, just leave."

"I'll leave when I'm done talking to you, alone." She said, dragging me by the arm further into the library. "Listen, I know you said no to Billings already, but I want to give you another chance. Just hear me out, I want you to come to our party in the woods, then back to Billings. Maybe then you'll finally change your mind." Noelle said hopefully.

"If I go, will you leave me alone?" I asked exasperated.

"Only if you_ really_ party and consider our offer." Noelle agreed.

I thought about it, it'd be worth it. She'd finally leave me alone. I'd never have to deal with this again.

"Fine." I agreed "When?"

"Tonight," Noelle replied

"Where do I meet you?"

"Outside the Caf. After dinner."

"Okay, I replied." As I started to walk away

"Reed," Noelle said "Dress nice."

I nodded and started walking back to Josh.

Josh POV

I felt bad for having to ditch Reed at dinner, but Thomas suckered me into going to a stupid party in the woods tonight. Thomas always gets wasted at them so I have to be there to get him back to our room. I had to miss dinner to help bring all of Thomas' alcohol to the usual clearing at the edge of campus. I couldn't believe that I had agreed to this. I never actually drank anything at these parties. You never know what Noelle and company might do. I don't trust them. Never have, never will.

As I lugged case after case from Thomas' car, I hoped that maybe Thomas would get wasted earlier than usual and I would still have time to see Reed tonight, even if only for a little while.

**AN: I know this is short but this is my second update for the day so get over it.**

**Also from now on my chapters will have song titles, so I may ask for some help if I can't come up with one.**


	17. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Beautiful Dirty Rich

We got a red light, pornographic, dance fight, systematic  
Honey but we go no money  
Our hair is perfect, while were all getting shit wrecked, it's automatic  
Honey but we got no money  
Daddy I'm so sorry, I'm so s-s-sorry yeah,  
We just like to party, like to p-p-party yeah,  
Bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich  
(dirty dirty rich dirty dirty rich beautiful)  
Bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich  
(beautiful and dirty dirty rich rich bang bang)

**AN: Okay, this is how each chapter will (hopefully) start. I'm terribly sorry that this took so long, after my designated hiatus, my computer crashed and this chapter was deleted. Hopefully this was worth the wait.**

Reed POV:

Josh wasn't at dinner; neither were Noelle or Thomas, for that matter. I was beginning to wonder if this whole thing was an elaborate set up.

Still, I waited outside the cafeteria after dinner. If Noelle didn't show up, I'd just leave and act like nothing had ever happened. I stood alone, constantly checking my watch, looking _nice_ as Noelle had instructed. Noelle casually strolled over, just as I was about leave.

Noelle looked at me and turned, continuing to walk, never stopping. She didn't say one word to me. I assumed I was supposed to follow her, if not, her fault, not mine. I followed a half-step behind Noelle silently.

"So Hollis Hugger, You ready to party, Billings style?" Noelle finally asked me.

"Y…Yeah," I answered hesitantly. I was unsure of what to say to Noelle after what Josh had told me about her and her friends.

I continued to follow willingly though I was becoming even more skeptical. I decided I'd go, but as soon as it got out of hand, I'd leave. If it got out of hand soon enough, maybe I'd still have time to see Josh.

Finally we reached a clearing full of people, both that I knew and that I didn't. Amongst the crowd, I saw the last person I'd expected to see here, Josh. Josh was sitting on a log on the edge of the crowd looking pissed at Thomas.

"Come on Hollis Hugger, mingle. I don't mean just with Boy Scout over there." Noelle said handing me a drink, no doubt illegally alcoholic. I decided _what the hell. I might as well have fun._ And gradually made my way over to Josh at the far side of the clearing. I said a quick hello to all the people I knew, and some that I didn't.

About ten feet in front of Josh, a girl I didn't know stopped me to talk to me. "Hi. I'm Holly. I'm co-president of Billings with Noelle. Just so you know, most girls don't get a _first_ chance at Billings, much less a second, or third, especially sophomores and freshmen. You're lucky. Don't make the wrong decision," She said.

I nodded and began walking away from her, and toward Josh again. I couldn't help but smirk. _Why was I joining Billings again? Oh yeah, I'm not. _If this was the kind of person I would be living with, I want nothing to do with them.

Ariana stopped me two feet in front of Josh. _So close!_ I thought.

"So, what do you think of the party so far?" Ariana asked me.

"Uhhh… It's okay I guess." I replied

"Come on Reed, what could be better than this?" Ariana prodded

"Well, I don't know, I guess I'm just not that into this kind of thing." I replied trying to get away from Ariana, so I could talk to Josh.

**AN: I know it's kind of short, but the next chapter is in the works, so hopefully it will be up soon. Also I'm going to be writing an original murder mystery on Fiction Press. The first chapter will be posted soon. Keep an eye on my fiction press username LittleMissBo0kworm.**


	18. Chapter 17

Chapter 17 Whatcha Say

**AN: I didn't get any reviews for the last chapter. : ( I know you guys are reading it, but I want to know what you think! Please please please review!**

Wha- wha- what did she say? Mmmm whatcha say, Mmm that you only meant well? Well of course you did Mmmm whatcha say, Mmmm that it's all for the best? Of course it is

I was so wrong for so long Only tryin' to please myself (myself) Girl, I was caught up in her lust When I don't really want no one else So, no I know I should of treated you better But me and you were meant to last forever

So let me in (let me in) give me another chance (another chance) To really be your man Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out I just didn't know what to do But when I become a star we'll be living so large I'll do anything for you So tell me girl

I stood listening to Ariana drone on and on about how I _should_ be into this type of thing. I wasn't really listening. I felt two arms wrap around me. Thinking it was Thomas, I turned around to yell at him and I found myself face to face with Josh.

"What the Hell are you doing here Reed? I thought I told you these girls were bad news." Josh ranted.

"You're such a hypocrite Josh. Aren't you here too? How is it any different?" I asked, but walked away before he could respond.

I couldn't deal with this, so much for Josh being sweet. I couldn't believe him! I needed to leave, now! I started walking out of the clearing when Noelle walked up.

"Hollis Hugger! Where are you going? You promised you'd stay." Noelle said.

"1, _don't_ ever call me that again, and 2, I said I'd come, not that I'd stay. I'm leaving now." I didn't feel like explaining what happened to Noelle, I just had to leave.

"Do you even know how to get back?" Noelle asked.

"No, but I'll find my way back eventually," I said.

"Yeah right! You go the wrong way and you'll be walking for miles." Noelle countered and grabbed my wrist. "You sure you want to leave?"

I yanked my wrist out of her grasp and kept walking ignoring her question. My leaving would be answer enough.

Despite Noelle's assumptions, I made it back fine. I didn't want to deal with any crap so when I got back to my room straight away I told Constance I didn't feel well and went to bed.

The weekend passed uneventfully, but on Monday, the inevitable happened. I was walking to my dorm at lunch, I didn't want to eat and I didn't want to socialize, with anyone, when I passed Josh. He tried to talk to me, but I didn't want to hear it. I gave him a wide berth and kept walking. Josh looked put-out, but he deserved it, he'd treated me horribly. I tried to look like I didn't notice what I was doing to him, but I felt horrible. I didn't want to hurt him, but I wasn't ready to face him.

Not long after I passed Josh, I saw Thomas.

"Reed!" He yelled "finally giving up on that hopeless case?" He continued, gesturing toward Josh. "You finally warming up to me Reed?" He asked.

I shuddered, but didn't bother to answer his question. "Thomas, just leave me alone. I don't want to deal with your crap right now." I told him overly bluntly. Thomas looked shocked and a little hurt. By now I knew better, his ego was too big to be hurt in the slightest.

Josh POV

Why? Why did I always do this? I hurt Reed and I hated myself for it. I wished once again that I could turn back time and make things right. Of course, I couldn't. I figured Reed and I wouldn't see each other until I went to her room to find her.

On my room to Reed's room, I saw her walking behind me. So I turned and began walking the opposite way so that our paths would cross. I opened my mouth to apologize as I came close to her, but she just walked around me, without even looking at me. I guessed I deserved that, but I was still hurt. She barely even looked at me. I sat on the side of the path, normally I would go to the Art Cemetery to mope, but I didn't care anymore. I was losing the most important person in my life. She didn't freak out when I told her my deepest, darkest secrets, and she genuinely cared about me. I didn't want her out of my life, so in an effort to keep her close to me, I was overbearing and overprotective, in my efforts, I had pushed her away. Maybe if I told Reed this, she would forgive me, at least a bit. It couldn't make things worse. At least if she yelled at me or told me she hated me, she would be acknowledging me. That would be better than this, much better. My plan had only one flaw. Would she listen to me? I had to try, if I had to talk through the door, I would, if it took barging into her class, it would happen, well in any class but Mr. Barber's, he'd probably get me expelled.

I got up and sprinted at full speed towards Reed, as Reed came into view, I saw Thomas walking toward me.  
"Guess she's moved on." Thomas said, and kept walking.

_What? I hadn't expected that. Mad, yes, but moved on? No, not so soon. Now I _really_ have to talk to her. I hoped Thomas was just lying to me. Yes, that was it, but I had to know for sure._

I finally made it to Reed's dorm room. I knocked, and knocked, and knocked. Where the Hell was she? I was still knocking when Constance opened the door. It took a few seconds and Constance calling my name for me to realize that I was still knocking on a door that wasn't there.

"Is Reed here?" I asked anxiously as I lowered my hand.

"No sorry Josh." Constance replied curtly.

"Where is she?" I asked.

"Umm… I think she went to the soccer field." Constance admitted nervously, she probably wasn't supposed to tell me.

"Thanks Constance, and I promise I wont tell Reed that you told me." I assured her.

She breathed a sigh of relief as I raced off to the soccer fields to find Reed.


	19. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

**AN: Okay, I haven't been updating as frequently, and that isn't about to change. It's almost the end of the semester, so I will have major assignments and I have to study for exams. I'll update as much as I can, but there won't be much this month. So savor this chapter, for you will have a long wait. **

I Hate That I Love You

That's how much I love you  
That's how much I need you  
And I can't stand you  
Must everything you do make me wanna smile  
Can I not like you for awhile? (No....)

But you won't let me  
You upset me girl  
And then you kiss my lips  
All of a sudden I forget (that I was upset)  
Can't remember what you did

But I hate it...  
You know exactly what to do  
So that I can't stay mad at you  
For too long that's wrong

Reed POV

I needed to think. The place for me to do that is on the soccer field. I raced to my room after seeing Thomas and grabbed my soccer stuff, knowing I had practice after lunch. I raced, gym bag in hand, to the locker rooms by the soccer fields. I changed and began pelting balls into the net. I scored time and time again and wished I had someone to play against. I saw someone running toward the field; I hoped it was one of the girls on the team, but just about anyone would do at this time.

Of course, the person coming toward the field, was the one person I _didn't_ want to see right now. Josh, I knew this was no coincidence, not after he tried to talk to me earlier. I continued pelting balls into the net, harder and harder, hoping he would get the message, and leave, but also hoping, in the back of my mind, that he would stay and beg for forgiveness. Josh walked up and stood next to me. As much as I wanted to turn to him and let him explain, I just ignored him.

"Reed, I know you're mad, and I completely understand, but you need to know, I just don't want to lose you. You're the most important person to me. I'm scared that if you become friends with Noelle, that you'll be a different person. I know I'm overprotective and overbearing, but I'm terrified, you're too important for me to risk losing. I realize now that I'm pushing you away in my efforts to pull you closer. I wished time and time again that I could go back in time and change it, but I can't. So I can only hope that, in time, you can find a way to forgive me." Josh explained "I'll go now. If you can forgive me, please come find me. Whenever." He began walking away. I couldn't let him leave. Not now. Not now that I understand.

"Josh, wait! Please stay, I'm not over it yet, but understand, I forgive you." I said

"Oh Reed! I'm so sorry. I promise that'll never happen again. If you want to hang out with Noelle, I'm… I'm okay with it." Josh admitted.

"Josh, the only reason I was even there was so that Noelle would leave me alone." I explained.

"What?" Josh asked, confused.

I launched into an explanation of what had happened with Noelle.

"Oh, Reed. I'm so sorry. If only I had let you explain. I would've never done that if I had known, I overreacted, majorly." Josh apologized, when I finished.

"Josh, it wasn't your fault you didn't know, I didn't tell you. I could've prevented all of this." I wished I hadn't made him feel bad about that.

"Oh Reed, don't feel bad about that, you don't have to tell me everything." Josh assured me.

"I would've told you, but I never thought you would've been there, so it would've been pointless." I explained, ashamed.

"I didn't want to be there, but someone had to be there to bring to take Thomas back to our room when he can't do it himself." Josh explained. I knew how bad that could be; living with Thomas must be like taking care of my mother.

"Trust me Josh; I know how bad that can be." I admitted quietly.

Josh hugged me tight and asked "Are you okay Reed?"

"Yeah I'm fine Josh." I answered, I didn't feel like getting upset right now so I asked Josh "Josh… do you play soccer?"

Josh gave me a devilish smile and raced to half field and grabbed one of the balls sitting there, sprinting toward the far net. He thought he could get past me, but little did he know, I was one of the star players on the soccer team.

"Hah, you think you can score on me that easily?" I asked Josh as I stole the ball and ran the other way. Josh turned to chase me, but slipped and fell face first on to the grass because he wasn't wearing cleats, apparently, he forgot. I was already at half field by the time Josh managed to get to his feet.

Our game lasted through the rest of lunch, about a half hour. Josh fell at least a dozen times and I won by twelve points. 4-16, my personal best win. As the rest of the girls and the coach arrived, Josh and I moved to the bleachers, so that I could take a quick break and rest a bit before practice. Josh and I sat side by side silently. I looked over at Josh and he was still panting like a dog. I giggled and Josh looked over at me and without seeming to think, leaned in and gave me a sweet, passionate kiss. When he finally pulled away, I was the one panting.

Unfortunately, at that point, everyone emerged from the change room.

**AN: I'm sure that didn't end how you expected. I felt like changing it up. I only got a couple reviews, what do I need to do to get your attention enough for reviews?**


	20. Chapter 19 Mercy

**AN: Okay I know I haven't been around lately, but exams are finally over so I can get back to updating. I'll update as much as I can but I don't think that will be all that much, it's time for my hard semester to start. I know that this took **_**forever**_** but I didn't have time to update. Hopefully I'll be able to update once a week from now on.**

Chapter 19

Mercy (Glee Version)

Girls:

I love you  
But I gotta stay true  
My morals got me on my knees  
I'm begging please stop playing games

Boys:

I don't know what this is  
'Cause you got me good  
Just like you knew you would

Girls:

I don't know what you do  
But you do it well  
Boys:

I'm under your spell

Both:  
You got me begging you for mercy  
Why won't you release me  
You got me begging you for mercy  
why won't you release me  
I said release me

**AN: If you don't watch Glee, I strongly advise that you start when it starts up in April (For the USA and Canada, not sure about everyone else) **

"Reed, I wish I could stay, but unfortunately, I have class right now." Josh said.

I nodded and he began walking away from the field. I joined the rest of the team in centre field. We began practice with our typical warm-up drills. We finished our grueling drills, and I saw a large group of boys jogging toward us. The boys' soccer team to be exact. They lined up on the opposite end of the field from us as we were informed that we would be playing them in practice today. I quickly did my typical competition scan, to see what we were up against. Then I saw him, standing on the far side of the field was Josh. He just stood there smirking at me from across the field. Apparently he knew about this the whole time.

I moved so that I was standing in front of Josh, playfully squaring off with him, when Noelle came up to me and whispered in my ear, "This. Is going to be fun."

"Oh yes. It most definitely is." I replied softly.

"Okay girls! You know the drill, go find someone to cover!" Our coach yelled from the sidelines.

I went and stood directly in front of Josh.

"You ready?" I asked.

"Bring it on, _Hollis Hugger_." Josh replied.

I did a double take. How the hell did he know about that? I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of knowing he had shocked me. That was obviously the purpose of his smart-ass comment. He was _so_ going down.

We lined up, and right away, I stole the ball from Josh. He wasn't any better on a team than he was by himself. In fact, I think he might have been worse. I had been hoping the game would be a challenge, but the whole game, Josh trailed behind me. I was shocked; I didn't even get that tired, even though I played the entire game.

We buried them, just as planned. I had heard they were pretty good, but most of their players were terrible. Unfortunately, Josh was one of the worst on the team. Some of their best were hardly better than some of our worst players. They never stood a chance.

We all stretched together, and I asked Josh "Is that _really_ the best you guys can do?"

"Sadly, yes. We're definitely no match for you guys. To think they were all convinced that we would bury you guys." Josh replied.

I laughed. "As if. I heard last year, you guys lost almost every game."

"Okay fine. We only won two of like twenty games, but this is a new team this year."

"You have to admit, this can't be that much better."

"Unfortunately, it is." Josh said quietly.

I just laughed at him. I didn't think that was even possible.

"No, seriously, I was one of the best on the team last year, now I mostly just ride the bench." Josh admitted.

By that time we were finished stretching and it was time to get ready for class. I hugged Josh and we jogged off to our respective locker rooms.

All of the girls celebrated our victory with our team cheer before getting ready. That was why when I finally emerged; I was shocked to see Josh standing outside the locker room door, waiting for me.

"Josh what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be going to class?" I asked.

"I should be, but I thought I would walk you to your class." Josh replied.

"That's sweet Josh, but I don't want you to be late for your class." I told him.

"It's fine Reed. It's not like I have Banner next." Josh argued.

"Josh, just go, really, it's totally sweet, but I don't want to be responsible for you being late." I replied, being totally honest. I didn't want him in trouble because of me.

"Reed, you're not getting rid of me that easily." Josh said with a smile.

I sighed, I had a feeling I wasn't about to win this battle any time soon, so I gave up. "Fine, let's go, before we're _both_ late."

Josh and I walked toward the science building; luckily he also had science next, so I wouldn't make him too late.

Josh kissed me quickly, before jogging off to his classroom, down the hall. I barely made it into my classroom before the bell rang.

**AN: I know you all probably hate me for taking so long to update, but it's finally up at least. I'll try to update within the week.**


	21. Chapter 20 Mad

**AN: So, I'm working on updating often, but I **_**always**_** have homework every night, and I just get sick of looking at words by the time I'm done it, but I'm working on it. I'll update as much as possible.**

Mad

Nobody's talkin' 'cause talkin' just turns into screamin'

Ohhh

And now is I'm yellin' over her, she's yellin' over me

All that that means

is neither of us is listening

[and what's even worse]

that we don't even remember why were fighting.

So both of us are mad for...

Nothin' [fighting for]

Nothin' [crying for]

Nothin' [whooaaa]

But we won't let it go for nothin'

[No not for]

Nothin'

This should be nothin' to a love like what we got

My classes were dead boring. I wished I could turn back time to when I was standing outside my science class with Josh, and just pause there. I would stay there forever. Of course, I couldn't. I could, however, find Josh after the final bell. My plan was to get him to meet me somewhere, anywhere, where we could talk, just talk, and not argue for once. It seems like that's all we ever do. We fight over everything. Over miscommunications, over stupid, little, meaningless problems that most people don't even fight about. It seemed that we never saw eye-to-eye. I wanted to change that. I was _going _to change that. I didn't know how I was going to find him after class and still have time to really talk before curfew, but I would no matter what.

Luckily there was no need for my worries. When I walked out of Mr. Banner's History class, Josh was standing there waiting for me.

"Was it just me, or did classes seem even more boring than usual this afternoon?" Josh asked me as he hugged me.

"Oh, trust me, it wasn't just you." I replied into his shoulder. Josh pulled away from me, so that he had completely released me except for one arm, resting around my waist.

"I want to show you something." Josh told me. "But you need to trust me. Close your eyes."

I reluctantly obeyed. I trusted Josh, besides, if I had to, I could kick his butt and he knew it. We walked for what seemed like an eternity, seeing as I had no idea where we going. I was just about to ask Josh how much longer we had to walk when Josh said, "Stand here, and don't open your eyes." I nodded and stayed where I was. I heard shuffling and I could tell josh was setting _something_ up. What it was I had no idea.

"Okay, open your eyes." Josh told me.

My eyes flew open, and I noticed we were standing in a small room, with walls covered in art and a small couch and easel in the middle.

"Josh, what is this?" I asked.

"The Art Cemetery, and my personal sanctuary." Josh replied softly.

I was touched that Josh was willing to share this with me. It was obviously important to him.

"Now sit down Reed. I want to paint you. I've tried before, but none of them ever did you any justice. Not even close," Josh told me.

I was a little reluctant, I never really liked the way I looked, and there were plenty more prettier girls at Easton Josh could paint rather than wasting his time on me.

"Josh… are you sure you want to spend all that time on me?" I asked.

"Reed, please, it's not a waste, just humor me. Please?" Josh asked so sweetly I had to give in.

"Fine." I replied, knowing that it would be a pointless battle to continue.

Josh held my hand and sat me down, positioning me perfectly, so he could get the painting he wanted.

I settled in for a long night with Josh, which was fine by me, it's not like I had anything better to do.

"Reed, look, I'm sorry. I need to listen to you better, Almost every- no every one- was because I didn't bother to listen to you. To top it off they were over stupid things I shouldn't even worry about." Josh said, it was like he read my thoughts and said all this to contradict me.


	22. Chapter 21 Blah Blah Blah

**AN: So I'm really into this again, so hopefully I'll be able to update often.**

Blah, Blah, Blah (Ke$ha)

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Coming out your mouth with your blah blah blah  
Just zip your lips like a padlock

I don't really care where you live at  
Just turn around boy and let me hit that  
Don't be a little bitch with your chit chat…

Music's up  
Listen hot stuff  
I'm in love  
With this song  
So just hush  
Baby shut up  
Heard enough

Stop ta-ta-talking that  
Blah blah blah  
Think you'll be getting this

Nah-nah-nah

I woke up after the most amazing dream. Josh was so sweet, wait. That wasn't a dream. That actually happened yesterday. I dragged myself out of bed with a smile plastered on my face. I was ecstatic. I hadn't even thought to check the time. When I did, I realized I was up almost 2 hours early. It was pointless to go back to bed now though, I was much too happy. I decided I might as well go shower before I got distracted and ended up waiting in line. I gathered everything I would need to get ready for the day, taking my time. I could take all the time I wanted, I had an hour and a half before anyone would even _consider_ getting up.

Even after taking the longest shower I had taken since I got to Easton, and taken more than enough time to choose my clothes for the day, I was still way too early. I still hadn't really taken a good look at the campus, so I decided since I have the time I might as well explore the things I had not yet seen.

I had planned on seeing all the things on the outskirts of campus, but ended up standing in the centre of campus, staring at the marble angel fountain as it sprouted a constant stream of crystal water. I had heard rumors, that this fountain, like every other fountain in the world, granted wishes when you threw in a coin. _What the hell?_ I thought. _what could it hurt? _

I had so many things I could wish for, but most of all, I wished I could have one day away from everything, just one drama-free, school-free day with my friends. I tossed in the one coin in my pocket.

"Your wish just came true, I'm here!" I heard Thomas yell at me.

What was he doing up so early, then again, I really didn't care.

I rolled my eyes and replied with as much sarcasm as I could muster "Oh yes Thomas, my one and only wish is for you to continue stalking me."

"You say that now, but you'll come around, they always do." Thomas replied, thankfully picking up on the sarcasm for once.

I ignored him and began walking away from all of the dorms, toward some of the less used class buildings. Thomas wasn't worth the time it would take to make a comment of any kind, especially beginning an argument.

"Aw, come on, Reed. Just come over here and do what we both know you're _aching_ to do." Thomas yelled after me.

Thomas assumed I was going to go over there and kiss him. I shrugged my shoulders and turned around. _What the Hell? _I might as well go for it. I walked right back to him, and stood directly in front of him. Rather than kissing him, I pulled my arm back and let it fly forward with more force than I thought I was capable of. I smiled slightly when I heard a satisfying smack on his face, meaning I had done at least a little damage. I didn't think there was anything more to say, so I simply walked away.

I continued my personal tour, and saw an old building attached to Hell Hall I hadn't noticed before. The door was left slightly open, so I let my curiosity get the best of me and slipped in. Unfortunately, there was a small puddle on the floor right by the door, and I slipped. My entrance turned out much less stealthy and smooth than I'd intended, and I nearly fell, but managed to just catch myself mid-fall.

"Reed Brennan, what, pray tell, are you doing falling into rooms where you do not belong?" Josh asked me with a smile and a slight laugh in his voice.

**AN: Ta-da! It's done! I've decided that, when possible, I will quote the books, because nothing is better in these situations than Kate's brilliance. The next chapter is long, I've already finished the rough draft, but I still have to type it up, so it may take a while to go up. I was hoping to post this over the weekend, but I was at my figure skating competition all weekend. Hope you are enjoying my story, please tell me if you are, or even if you aren't. I want to hear opinions!**


	23. Chapter 22 Gorgeous

Chapter 22

**AN: The title song for this chapter has an **_**amazing**_** video on YouTube by idinakristinfan4ever **

Gorgeous Idina Menzel

In a perfect world, in another time  
In a far off place we wouldn't need to justify  
Everything we are  
And all that we believe  
We could finally be  
Whoever we both want to be  
And when we can't be heard,  
And when we can't be seen  
I will call you close and  
You will reach for me.  
When all of the beauty turns to pain  
When all of the madness falls like rain  
As long as we crash and we collide  
We will be gorgeous, you and I.

I leaped directly into Josh's strong, supportive baseball arms. We embraced for longer than I'd intended. "Why are you up so early?" I asked Josh.

"I could ask you the same thing. I know most people tend to enjoy sleeping until the last possible moment." Josh said.

"Normally, I'm one of those people, but after yesterday, sleep was nearly impossible." I admitted sheepishly.

"Reed, look at me, do you honestly think I am normally up at this time?"

"Yeah, I don't know, why else would you be up right now?"  
"I'll show you why." Josh said as he picked up the painting he had obviously been working on. It was a portrait of my face, obviously from the same day as the last painting he did of me. I gasped. Josh had made me look fabulous. I never thought I could look that good, and in real life, I probably couldn't, but hey, around Josh, everything seemed possible.

"This is amazing Josh." I said, awestruck.

"You really don't see yourself clearly, do you?" Josh asked me.

"I think it's you that doesn't see me clearly." I replied.

Josh just shook his head at me like I was going crazy. We both burst out laughing at the stupidity of our argument.

Josh and I moved to the loveseat that was now back in the corner. We talked about anything and everything, we were both completely content. It was nearly time for class though, so Josh and I prepared to head back to our dorms to get ready for class, when all of a sudden, Josh's friend Trey ran in, huffing and puffing. "Josh! Reed! You'll never believe what's happened!" Trey puffed. "They found Thomas in the woods."

"That's not a shock Trey." Josh scoffed.

"They, well, he was… dead." Trey said, stumbling over his words.

Josh and I stood side by side in stunned silence. Waiting for Thomas to burst in and yell _Gothcha! _and for Trey to start having a good laugh at our expense. It never happened. Josh and I looked between each other and Trey multiple times, before the news finally sunk in. When we did finally realize what had happened, the two of us backed out of the Art Cemetery. Police officers had already taken over the entire campus. That was when it finally sank in that this was no scam. The entire forest had been roped off with yellow police tape. Through the trees I could see forensics specialists and police officers searching the ground. Looking for evidence, I presumed. I looked the other way and saw students crying and looking depressed, including Noelle, who had, on more than one occasion, voiced her hatred for Thomas. I didn't doubt that most of the students crying had only had one entire conversation with Thomas, if that.

All the officers that weren't searching the forest were interviewing different students and employees. They had probably been hoping to keep this quiet, at least for a little while, but that was impossible. Even after only a month at Easton I knew that news travels fast, especially bad news. It was strange, it happened so fast. I had only seen Thomas an hour ago, and he had been perfectly fine. He was his normal, arrogant, egotistical, flirty self. I had a feeling life at Easton was going to be much more stressful than my seemingly normal life in Croton, Pennsylvania. I thought _that_ was as bad as it could get. Boy was I wrong. Not two months in and it was already ten times worse than Croton. I just hoped this was as bad as it would get.

I saw Josh standing off to the side, away from everyone else, his expression blank. I was worried about him, this must be hard, his best friend died at sixteen and he probably can't feel anything because of all of his pills. I walked over to Josh and put my arm around his shoulders without saying anything to him, there was no need for words right now. Josh was silent as he rested his head on my shoulder. We stood like that until one of the many police officers finally reached us, so that we could be questioned. Josh was in a daze, answering as few questions as possible, leaving me to provide details. I was worried about Josh. I knew this would be hard, I just hoped he would be able to make it through relatively unscathed. As I figured, I was the last person to see Thomas. Josh didn't know that, and I planned to keep it that way, at least for now. I already felt horrible that I might have been able to save him, but was too stupid enough to walk away. I could be held responsible for this, I realized. They might think I had killed him, but they didn't even know someone _had_ killed him, but if they thought I did, well, I was screwed. That was why I couldn't tell anybody, but if I didn't, and they found out, they would think I did it. No matter what I did I would seem guilty.

**AN: So, I was gone all weekend, so I decided to post sooner, I would cut this one short, so I'm ending here, but I should have another chapter up by the end of the week.**


	24. Chapter 23 Stickwitu

Chapter 23

**AN: So first of all, I want to say thank you to my reviewers, especially, HappyKitty95, neongreenfruit and anne96 for multiple reviews in the last couple chapters. All reviews are appreciated. I'm so sorry this took so long, I haven't had much time to write between skating and school, but I'll try and update regularly.**

Stickwitu

I sunk slowly to the ground. As I sat down so did Josh. The two of us sat, leaning against Buba, Easton's oldest and most well-known tree. It had a story behind it, I just didn't know what it was. We rested against each other, not saying anything, both too engulfed in our own thoughts to worry about the other. I knew dwelling on this would get me nowhere. I knew, deep down that, if asked, I would lie to the police, or Josh. But, if I wasn't asked this wasn't information I was about to voluntarily share.

"Josh, are you going to be okay?" I finally asked stupidly. I knew I had to say _something_ after all, this is his best friend, just found dead, and I'm willing to bet the emotions aren't even registering because of his mood modulators. It was the best I could come up with.

"I will be, with your help Reed. Please stay with me Reed. Promise me you won't leave." Josh begged pitifully.

I hated seeing him like this, it was so horrible. "Josh, I promise, I'll be here for you. Always." I told him truthfully.

"Thank you Reed, I really need you right now." Josh said, and hugged me close to him as if holding on would hold him together. Right now, it probably would. I sat still, holding him. I knew there was nothing more to be said.

"Everyone keeps asking me if I'm okay, but are you okay Reed?" Josh asked me. "You knew Thomas too, this has to be hard."

"I don't know. Honestly, my head is pretty unlivable right now." I admitted. I could be honest with Josh.

"I have a way for you to get out of your head, if you're interested." Josh told me.

"If you're talking about pot or something, I'm not interested."

"It's not drugs Reed. Come on, how idiotic do you think I am?" Josh asked.

I blinked. A blush moved from behind my ears, warming my face all the way to my nose. So this is what shame feels like.

"Then what is it?" I asked

"It's better." He replied.

I took a deep breath, I needed this at this point, I couldn't live in my head anymore. "I'm in."

Josh grabbed my hand, and we began to run. I didn't really care where we were going. I trusted Josh completely. We approached Ketlar and I began to get nervous. Josh wasn't planning what I think he's planning, is he? Not now. No, Josh wouldn't do that. It was obviously completely innocent. We made it into the commons and I started to get nervous, would we make it to Josh's room without getting caught?

"Josh, won't we get caught?" I asked.

"No way." Josh replied "It's after dinner, our Dorm adviser will be out cold by now. So long as no one rats us out, we're good."

"Would they do that to you?" I asked. I was worried.

"Nah, I've got enough dirt on each of them to get them expelled. They wouldn't dare." Josh replied with a laugh.

Josh and I reached his room, but he kept walking.

"Wait. Where are we going?" I asked.

"My room is a crime scene now. They've already moved most of my stuff to a single down the hall. Dean Marcus told me so earlier."

I guess I had been too wrapped up in my own thoughts to notice.

"Well, here we are. Room 207, this should be it." Josh told me with a sigh.

**AN: Finally!! This took much longer than expected, too much homework, blame my science teacher. Anyways, what do you think is going to happen in Josh's room? I hope you liked my little quotes from Untouchable, I think I will continue doing this, to make it a bit more interesting for you guys. This was meant to go along with the last chapter, or the next, but both times, I desperately needed to get something up. :(**


	25. Chapter 24 Perfect Accident

**AN: So sorry I'm being so slow right now, but it's finally done.**

Chapter 24

Perfect Accident

I fell for you  
you caught me with my guard down  
but I felt safe and sound right there with you  
and my heart was wide open  
and as I crashed into you I learnt that  
some signs are made, while some are sent to me  
you're just a perfect accident  
could not have planned or understand  
but you were just the perfect accident  
walking under ladders  
it doesn't really matter anymore  
with all the luck in this world  
I finally found what I've been looking for  
and now my eyes are wide open  
when I'm looking at you I know that

Some signs are made, while some are sent to me  
you're just a perfect accident  
could not have planned or understand  
but you were just the perfect accident

Josh opened the door to the single he was now forced to live in. It was disastrous; everything was half-hazardly set up around the cramped room. It was painfully obvious it hadn't been set up by Josh.

"Ugh. Before we get started, I think I should clean up a little." Josh said

Whatever we were doing obviously involved some floor space. I began picking up some of the boxes and stacking them with the ones Josh was moving.

"Reed, I'm fine, just relax. I didn't bring you up here to help me clean."

"It's fine Josh, I don't mind. Besides the sooner we get this place cleaned up, the sooner we can get to whatever you had planned."

"This is fine we just needed a little bit more space. Now where did they put those…"Josh mumbled to as he began searching through boxes "They better've let me keep those… Aha! There they are!" Josh pulled out a small box of paints and brushes. He expected me to _paint_? I'm no artist, definitely nowhere near as good as Josh. I looked at him, with his outstretched arm with paintbrush in hand. I reluctantly grabbed the brush out of his hand. Even if this didn't help me, it would help Josh and at this point that's much more important. Josh placed his iPod on the dock and hit play. Putting a glob of paint on his brush, very unlike every other time I had seen him paint, he turned toward the canvas sitting a cross the room. Josh took three steps forward and flung the paint at the canvas.

He turned toward me, "Come on Reed, give it a try. Humor me."

I sighed internally and stepped forward. The paint went flying, just not in the direction I'd intended. It ended up hitting Josh's now shocked and openmouthed face. Josh, of course didn't believe my attempts to convince him that it was an accident.

"Regardless Reed," he told me, "I have to get even."

This started an all out _war_. Paint of different colours was constantly flying.

We were nearly out of paint. Josh had me cornered, and the walls, and us, were coated in multiple colours and mixtures of paint.

I laughed a nervous laugh. "Okay Josh, I think you got even. You don't really want to do that."

"Oh I think I do." Josh replied coolly.

He left me no choice. I had enough paint on me. I resorted to leaning in and kissing him, catching him off guard. I knew it worked when the paint brush with the paint on it, clattered to the floor at our feet.

**AN: Okay, this one is short, but I'll try to get the next one, which is in Josh's POV, up tomorrow, it is also very short, but I don't have much time on my hands.**


	26. HaloWalking on Sunshine Mashup Glee

**AN: I'm in LOVE with this chapter and I hope you all fall in love with it too.**

**Disclaimer: This isn't mine, it's only to get revenge on all the Josh haters out there *Cough*Brinti*Cough***

Chapter 25

Halo/ Walking on Sunshine Mash up (Glee)

Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more (I'm walking on sunshine, wooah)  
It's written all over your face  
Baby I can feel your halo (I'm walking on sunshine, wooah)

And don't it feel good!

I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
I can feel your halo halo halo (I'm walking on sunshine, wooah)  
I can see your halo halo halo (I'm walking on sunshine, wooah)

And don't it feel good!

Josh POV

I couldn't believe she did that! She totally cheated. I couldn't exactly say it didn't work though. She was trying to get out of getting hit with paint, and there was no chance of that anymore. The paint was now splattered all over my feet and the floor. Reed was kidding herself if she thought that was where it would stop. I'm sure we would if we _could_ but, quite frankly, I couldn't help myself. I suppose Reed wasn't objecting to the make-out session that was sure to ensue.

We moved from the corner to the bed after a few minutes.

"Reed, I love you." I said dotting it with a kiss.

I stood up from the bed when Reed didn't say anything. I began pacing the room. My hands locked in my hair. That was way too soon, way to go Josh.

"I'm sorry Reed, that was too soon, I shouldn't have said that." I rambled.

"Josh. Josh! Stop!" She interrupted me.

I stopped mid-step and turned to Reed.

"Josh, come here."

I stepped closer to the bed and she leaned closer to me.

"Josh, I love you too."

I was _so_ relived to hear those words come off of her beautifully soft lips.

Reed grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me down on top of her. Our lips crashed together, and I knew, there was no chance of me stopping now. No way in hell.

**AN: So what do you guys think of horny Josh? I thought this scene was best written in Josh's POV what do you think?**


	27. Chapter 26 In My Head

**AN: I am SO sorry, but I've been distracted lately. 2 new Kate Brian books have come out, and I'm just finishing up exams. Now that it's summer break, hopefully that means I'll update more often.**

**Enjoy.**

Chapter 26

Reed POV

In My Head

In my head, I see you all over me.  
In my head, you fulfill my fantasy.  
You'll be screaming out.  
In my head, it's going down.  
In my head, it's going down.  
In my head. Yeah. In my head. Oh yeah.

Some dudes know all the right things to say.  
When it comes down to it, it's all just game.  
Instead of talking let me demonstrate. Yeah.  
Get down to business and skip foreplay.

I couldn't believe we did that. The _one_ thing I knew we shouldn't do. Not to say that I didn't enjoy it. I certainly did. In fact, that was probably the _best_ night of my life. Josh admitted to me, that it was hisfirst time too. I was definitely happy. I couldn't get Josh off my mind, and Constance could tell something was up. She doesn't know yet, but it's only a matter of time. And once Constance knows, it'll slowly make its way thorough the _entire_ campus. And of course, I'd have to put up with Noelle. Again.

My phone vibrated, breaking me out of my Josh-related stupor. I picked it up and saw a text from Noelle. Lucky me.

I know your dirty little Secret. Want it to stay that way? Come to Billings tonight to _party_. Come _alone._ Emphasis on the _alone_ part. Tell no one.

-Noelle.

What the hell is she going on about? I guess I better go though. Better safe than sorry, especially with Noelle. Then again, what could Noelle _possibly_ know about me?

I replied:

I'll come if you tell me what this 'Secret' is.

-Reed

Noelle replied almost as soon as I sent the message.

"That is for me to know and you to find out, maybe."

Great, I really didn't ever have a choice, did I? I guess I _had _to go. I really didn't want to have to be one of Noelle's little puppets, but that is just a part of life at Easton. I might as well get used to it.

I looked through my pathetic attempt at a wardrobe, if you could even call it that. I didn't exactly have many options for Noelle-style party-wear. I finally selected my favourite jeans, and a plain red shirt. If Noelle doesn't like it, well, that's her problem, isn't it? I didn't bother with anything spectacular for my hair, just simply straightened.

Half way through straightening, Josh called my cell.

"Reed, do you want to hang out tonight? Nothing spectacular, I just think we both need a stress reliever."

"Josh, I'd love to, but Constance already planned something for us for tonight. Sorry."

"Well, can I just tag along then? I _really_ need to see you."

"Josh, I'm sorry. Constance and I need some girl time okay? I'll call you when I get back and we can hang out tomorrow."

"Okay. Bye Reed. Love you." Josh said reluctantly, and hung up before I had the chance to reply. I was tempted to call him back and apologize, but I knew, if I did, I would cave and end up telling him the whole story. Then, both he and Noelle would kill me. I was much more afraid of Noelle than I was of Josh. Josh is _much_ too kind to _really_ do something horrible, whereas Noelle would be willing to make my life Hell.

I resumed straightening my hair, but I had a horrible guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wished I didn't have to lie to Josh, but I wasn't given the hugest amount of choice in the matter. I finished up as quickly as possible and grabbed my coat on the way out the door.

As I walked quickly across campus I had the eerie feeling that I was being watched. I shrugged the feeling off, assuming I was just paranoid.

I reached Billings and walked in, hearing music blaring from the common room and people talking and singing along, I groaned. I did _not_ want to be here. I wasn't given a choice, if I turned back now, Noelle would have my head served to her on a silver platter. And, In turn, Josh would find out I had lied to him. That _could not_ happen. Ever. I walked into the party, but I was _definitely_ not happy about it. It's not like it mattered that I was pissed off; no one even noticed I was there. I could've gone home, Noelle never would have noticed. I decided to go find Noelle, if I had to be here, she was going to at least _know_ that I was.

"Reed! When did you get here? I thought you weren't going to show, and I'd have to spill your little secret." Noelle said

"Speaking of my secret, care to tell me _which_ secret it is?"

"No, not really. Unless you can show us you are capable of some _fun_!"

I rolled my eyes at her, I'd figured she wouldn't tell me, but hey, can't blame a girl for trying. Well, I'm sure Noelle could, and would, but that's beside the point.

"Fine, but just so you know, I think this is incredibly stupid, but I'll attempt to have some fun, if only for your benefit."

Noelle nodded and handed me a drink, while simultaneously leading me to the dance floor.

On the dance floor, I gave up on trying to hold a grudge against Noelle and actually try to have fun. I knew Noelle and Ariana noticed immediately.

Noelle nodded to someone off of the dance floor, but I couldn't be bothered to put in the effort to care.

"Reed." I heard Josh's voice from behind me.

I gasped and turned around. _Crap_. Caught in a lie. This is _exactly_ what I had hoped to avoid. I felt like shit when I turned around and saw the hurt look on Josh's face.

"Josh…" I couldn't come up with the right words to say to him.

"What did you lie to me Reed?" Josh asked timidly, to upset to even get angry. I wished he would just yell and scream and get angry at me. I would much rather have him this mad at me than this sad any day.

"Josh, I'm so so so so sorry. I feel horrible lying to you, but I wasn't given much of a choice."

"Did, she hold a gun to your head or something Reed?" Josh asked sarcastically, but I knew if that _had_ happened he wouldn't be all that shocked.

"No Josh, she blackmailed me, apparently she has some secret she would spill about me if I didn't come, and not tell you where I was going. Wait a second, how did you know where I was?"

"I followed you, okay? I thought something was up, so I followed you."

"Josh, we're doing it again, letting Noelle tear us apart." I sighed, "I know you're pissed, and well, so am I. I hate that you don't trust me, but we cant keep being Noelle's little puppets."  
Josh sighed and looked down, "I hate Noelle breaking my trust in you. She makes me think you're going to turn into one of _them_,"

I wrapped my arms around Josh's neck and we just stood there, embracing each other. I silently vowed that I would never lie to Josh again. No matter what the cost.

"I love you Josh, and I'm so sorry."

"I love you too Reed. More than you know."


	28. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

**AN: I really appreciate the reviews I got for the last chapter, especially sparklefantastic, HappyKitty95 and TARYNLA. All of these reviews give great criticisms, and I appreciate them. Sorry no song for this chapter.**

Two weeks had passed since the disaster Noelle likes to call a party. And yet she hasn't spilled my secret. Quite frankly, I'm shocked. I was beginning to think Noelle was bluffing and didn't _have_ a secret to tell. That would be nice.

Constance and I were heading back to Bradwell after a night of 'studying' in the library with Josh. We were chatting happily and pointlessly, until we reached our room. Every last one of the things I owned was gone from our room. The only thing left on my side was an empty bed and a note.

Hey Hollis Hugger!

Don't worry your things are _perfectly_ safe.

In Billings. Come and get 'em.

Noelle and the ,

Billings's girls

I groaned. Really Noelle? Are you _that_ desperate? I was beginning to wonder if this was all some stupid ploy. Otherwise, what's the point? What the goal of this stupid ploy was I have no idea, maybe she's still set on breaking up me and Josh. If not, I'm drawing a complete blank. Noelle has to receive _something_ from this, or she wouldn't bother. For her to go to this length, it must be something major.

I have two choices; I can either join Billings, or find some way to buy all of my stuff back. I couldn't afford the latter, so it looked like I was about to become a Billings girl. Lucky me.

I turned to Constance, "I'm sorry, but it looks like I'm going to Billings."

Constance sighed, "Is that what all of this is about? You better be sure this isn't just a joke. Noelle doesn't do all this to get someone to join Billings. Then again, I think there's only one other person, who's _ever_ turned down Billings."

"Well I wasn't given a lot of options. I'm about to find out how much of this is just Noelle and her crap."

"But isn't Thomas' funeral, like, now?"

"Crap, I had forgotten the funeral was tonight. Josh would be here to get me in less than an hour. _CRAP_. Josh. He was definitely _not_ going to be happy about this. But I had to trust that he would understand and not overreact. I whipped out my phone. _Josh, I need to talk to you. Meet me outside Bradwell?_ I texted Josh.

_Sure is something wrong?_ Josh's response was almost instantaneous.

I didn't know what to say. _Yes…No… I'll explain later._

Again the response was instantaneous. '_Kay, see you in a few._

I knew that if I wasn't about to meet him, he never would've let it go.

"I'll see you at the funeral Constance, if they don't kill me first." I said, completely serious.

I left our room, to meet josh, and eventually, Noelle, and my new housemates. I shuddered to myself at the thought. I was going to be one of _them_, exactly what I had aimed to avoid.

Josh was almost at Bradwell by the time I made it out of the building. I walked over to meet Josh.

"Reed, what's wrong?" Josh asked me frantically.

"I'm fine Josh. It's just that Noelle is insistent that I join Billings, and this time, I'm not being given much of a choice.

"What's she holding against you Reed? You don't have to do this I'll deal with Noelle."

"She's not really holding anything against me, more like _from_ me. She's got everything. Everything I own. Besides, I don't think Noelle is the best enemy to have."

"I guess you're right about the last part. Just remember, they can't control you. And I'll still love you, no matter what."

I hoped what he said was true. I didn't know what I'd do without Josh.

"Okay, time to deal with _them_." Josh almost snarled the last word. I could only hope that living there wouldn't be _complete_ hell.

"Hey, you never know, this might be fun." I said.

Josh and I both burst out laughing. That was so crazy, it wasn't even funny anymore. I'd heard stories of what they did to the new girls, and I was _not____looking _forward to it. Billings isn't worth hell, so if it gets too bad, I'll be out of there and back in with Constance before they know what hits them.

Maybe I'll get lucky and get a single, and then it wouldn't be too bad. I could act like it had never happened. Yes. That was my solution. I refused to think of what would happen if I _didn't _get a single. I would think about that when the time comes. I really didn't want to have to be in a room with one of them, or worse _two_ of them. I internally shuddered at the thought.

Josh and I had reached the Billings entrance. Josh laced his fingers through mine and asked me softly "Are you _sure_ you want to do this? There's no turning back after we walk in there.

"I guess so, I don't really have a choice do I?"

"Of course you have a choice, you _always_ have a choice."

"Let's just get this over with. Hopefully it won't be too bad."

Josh nodded and released one of my hands, but still held me close to him.

I took a deep breath, and prepared myself for the worst. But what I saw I never could've predicted.


	29. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

All of the Billings Girls stood in the common room. They were all smiling, like they actually _wanted_ me there. Everyone except for Ariana. She looked _really_ pissed. I really didn't get _why_. It's not like I _asked _to be here. I was forced into this. Then I realized it, the luggage at the back of the room wasn't mine. It must've been Ariana's. They brought me in and kicked her out? Harsh, I don't even want to be here. I suddenly felt bad for Ariana. This was obviously where she wants to be and I'm being forced to take that away from her.

But Ariana doesn't know that, does she? She probably thinks I convinced Noelle to let me in and kick her out. I'm shocked Noelle kicked _Ariana_ out. I figured she probably would've kicked out someone like Lily, the quiet, sweet girl, who is _nothing_ like the rest of the Billings Girls. She`s not obnoxious like the rest of them. Maybe I`ll get to room with her. That wouldn`t be too bad. It wouldn`t be as good as rooming with Constance, but better than any of the other Billings Girls. Maybe _that`s_ why Noelle didn`t kick _her _out. Oh, who am I kidding Like Noelle would be that nice, especially to me. If this is how she treats her best friend, how can I expect something nice from her?

I just hoped someone else would come along and _I_ would be able to leave. I just hoped it would happen soon. I didn't know how long I would be able to last, in the same dorm as _them._

All of a sudden something occurred to me. Where was Ariana going to live? I hoped it wouldn't be with Constance. That would suck, for _both_ of them.

Finally someone stopped just staring at me and came to talk to me, Lily. "Hey, Reed. I'm so glad you're joining Billings." She said, "Between you and me, it'll be nice to have someone normal living here." She whispered low enough for only me to hear.

"Do I want to know who I'm rooming with, or am I going to regret it?" I asked quietly.

"I'm sorry Reed." Lily replied, I wasn't sure if that meant that she was sorry and she doesn't know, or if she knew and knew I wasn't going to like it. I was hoping for the former. I thought I'd better ask.

"Do you know? Am I going to hate it?"

"Maybe not _hate_ it."

I just looked at her expectantly.

"Noelle. You're rooming with Noelle."

_CRAP!_

I had _really_ hoped that wouldn't happen.

"Well thanks Lily. I guess I might as well go face the music now. If I don't go now, it will just be worse later."

"You're definitely brave." Lily told me, "I don't know what I would do if I'd had to face all of this alone."

Lily was a senior. This was her last year, but at least I could use her room as a place of refuge here. I was sure I would take advantage of that, a lot. As for next year, well I would just have to hope I was out of here by then.

**AN: So sorry this is so short. I hope t update again before I leave on the 11****th****. The next chapter is Thomas' funeral.**


	30. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

**AN: So I realize its been FOREVER since ive last posted, but well, things happen, so here at long last is chapter 29. Just as a forewarning, Rewind will cut off at the equivalent of Confessions, or if I am really enjoying it and have the time, Rwevelations, because I could never possibly write with where Kate Brian is going with this series. **

All of my things had been moved into Noelle's room, my room. I shuddered at the thought. Granted, the moving in wasn't a _complete_ disaster, aside from the fact that I was constantly being mocked because my wardrobe wasn't designer, that was where their opinoins of me seemed to change. It seemed blasphemous to them that a sacred _Billings Girl_ not wear only coture that cost double what my clothes did. Completely unreasonable in my mind, but apparently their oppinions differed from mine.

I was not banished from my room and was in Lily's, unfortunately in this case, it was right next to mine, so I could hear Noelle and some of the others screaming at eachother, seemingly over me. I didn't kno most of their names, but it seemed that their welcome was all an act. I heard something about hazing, but when I asked Lily about it, she mumbled something non-commital, and lapsed back into silence, returning to her laptop. I was guessing this was some sort of secret Billings ritual, and listened closer, intrigued.

"We have to haze her Noelle. It's tradition, what would your grandmother think of this?"

"Leave her out of this, besides, it's for a good reason. Reed would just leave if we hazed her." Noelle replied, seeming to get even more angry, I was surprised any of them had the nerve to take on Noelle like that, she could kick them out, and that would be that, they would, once again, be average Easton students.

Someone else stepped into the conversation, "So? Let her leave, that just means she's not Billings material. What's so special about a _scholarship_ student from nowhere?"

"I can't tell you why, but trust me, Reed is important."

"Yeah? I think you're taking her in becase you're fighting with Ariana, and you knew this was the perfect way to exact your revenge, replace her with a nobody, and she'd be back at your feet begging for forgiveness in no time." Whoever this was, they certainly were gutsy. Were they really going to risk screwing with Noelle, you'd think they'd have more common sense than that.

"You know what Leamme, it was going to be _you_ I got kicked out, and not just out of Billings, out of Easton all together. You're lucky Ariana's been pushing my nerves, or you and your dirty little secret would've been on your way home pretty fast, I woneder how your parents would feel when they find out." Ouch. The girl, Leanne, shut up pretty quickly. _That_ is why you don't mess with Noelle.

Everyone fell silent, it was obvious Noelle had won _ that_ argument.

"Good, it's settled, we skip Reed's hazing. Now get out of here, I need to talk to Reed."

Taylor stormed into Lily's room moments after Noelle kicked them all out. She was by far Noelle's nicest lackey, but a fashion snob, and good little puppet none the less. She gave me a sympathetic look and wished me good luck before ushering a reluctant me out of their room. I returned to my room, simply because I had no other choice, it was after curfew, so I couldn't just leave, and I was _not_ going down to the lounge and possibly have to face the other angry Billings Girls.

I opened the door, hoping Noelle wouldn't be in there so that I could climb into bed and pretend to sleep to avoid talking to her. I wasn't that lucky.

"So, Hollis Hugger, you made it. You're among the best of the best here at Easton." Noelle sounded bitter, wasn't she the one who _forced _me to be here? "Why aren't you happy? Anybody else would be pushing their way in, but not you, you think you're better tham the rest of us. You don't get it do you? You're a _nobody_ if I hadn't _made_ them take you in they would've pushed you out the door before you even got a look at the common room. You would still be spending all your time with Hollis, and his idiot friend Thomas."

"Don't you know better than to speak ill of the dead Noelle? Sure Thomas was a jerk, but he was no better than your friend Gage."

Noelle stepped right into my face then, "Don't go making assumptions about things you haven't the slightest clue about. You just got here, I've known Pearson for years. He _is_ an idiot. I've been waiting for this to happen since the day I met him."

I was shocked. So shocked in fact, that I couldn't staighten my thoughts out enough to come up with a retort before Noelle said "Whatever, I'm going to bed now, don't forget about the post-funeral party tomorrow."

I finally got my voice back, "Are you not going to the funeral tomorrow?" I asked

"You're kidding right? I'll go, say 'I'm sorry for your loss', leave, and get ready for the party,"

I would've responded, but Noelle had already walked into our attatched bathroom and slammed the door behind her.

In the morning, rather than deal with Noelle, I decided it would be better to wake up early, and spend a couple of hours with Josh, before the funeral, definitely a better option. I set my phone to wake me up for 5:30, to ensure Noelle wouldn't wake up and try to stop me from leaving. By 6, I was out of my room and on the long walk to meet with Josh at the Art Cemetary.

Josh and I met up between our two dorms, and walked quickly in the frigid morning air, my nose stung from the cold but I hardly noticed. Josh was unusually quiet, and I wished he felt that he could confide in me, but understood that today was going to be hard for him. We ducked into the warmth of the Art Cemetary, and Josh pulled me into his arms. I didn't say anything as I held him, it was the day of his best friend's funeral, and here I was, thinking about myself and what I wanted. I pushed all of my selfish thoughts away, and silently vowed to be there for Josh today.

If I could do nothing else, I would at least be a shoulder for him to cry on, regardless of how I or anyone else thought or did. He had always been there for me, and now it was my turn to bet there for him. I couldn't believe how selfish I had been, thinking only of me, and my problems, not realizing how much pain Josh was in, I could see it in his eyes, though he did an amazing job of hiding it from me and the rest of the world. Ever since I arrived at easton, I've thought almost only about myself, it was very unlike me, these people were rubbing off on me, changing who I am. They are al self-absorbed, when I arrived, I thought I was different, but now I realize, that I am just like all the other selfish, vain people I was now living with, and the thought scared me.

**AN: I know I said this would be Thomas' funeral, but I felt like this had to happen first, so Thomas' funeral is the **_**next **_**chapter.**


	31. Chapter 30 Lean on Me

Chapter 30 Lean on Me

**AN: Yay! Another chapter at long last, I'm hoping to start posting more regularly, but, well, we'll just have to wait and see what happens.**

In the morning, rather than deal with Noelle, I decided it would be better to wake up early, and spend a couple of hours with Josh, before the funeral, definitely a better option. I set my phone to wake me up for 5:30, to ensure Noelle wouldn't wake up and try to stop me from leaving. By 6, I was out of my room and on the long walk to meet with Josh at the Art Cemetery.

Josh and I met up between our two dorms, and walked quickly in the frigid morning air, my nose stung from the cold but I hardly noticed. Josh was unusually quiet, and I wished he felt that he could confide in me, but understood that today was going to be hard for him. We ducked into the warmth of the Art Cemetary, and Josh pulled me into his arms. I didn't say anything as I held him, it was the day of his best friend's funeral, and here I was, thinking about myself and what I wanted. I pushed all of my selfish thoughts away, and silently vowed to be there for Josh today.

If I could do nothing else, I would at least be a shoulder for him to cry on, regardless of how I or anyone else thought or did. He had always been there for me, and now it was my turn to bet there for him. I couldn't believe how selfish I had been, thinking only of me, and my problems, not realizing how much pain Josh was in, I could see it in his eyes, though he did an amazing job of hiding it from me and the rest of the world. Ever since I arrived at easton, I've thought almost only about myself, it was very unlike me, these people were rubbing off on me, changing who I am. They are all self-absorbed, when I arrived, I thought I was different, but now I realize, that I am just like all the other selfish, vain people I was now living with, and the thought scared me.

The closer we got to Thomas' funeral, the tighter Josh's arms wrapped around me. It seemed as if he felt he would fall apart if he let go. Even though I was struggling to breathe I refused to push Josh away. I could feel his salty tears on the shoulder he was leaning on. My heart broke. I hated to see him in so much pain, and I knew I could do absolutely nothing for him. I knew in the back of my mind, that we had to leave for the funeral, _now_, but I couldn't figure out how to tell Josh. I had the felling, that though he wouldn't admit it, that he'd stopped taking his meds, and that was why he was so hard hit by this all of a sudden, and I could understand why he stopped, but it could hurt him more than he thought.

"Josh," I whispered softly "I'm sorry, but we have to go"

Josh sniffled, and whispered a barley audible "Okay" and slowly let me go.

Josh was trembling, and I was scared of what going to this funeral might do to him. No matter what, I vowed, Josh would have my support. If he broke apart, I'd be there in a heartbeat, picking up the pieces. We reached the student parking lot, and Josh unlocked the car, and went to get into the driver's seat, but I took the keys out of his hand and walked him over to the passenger's seat, he was so out of it, he didn't object. I'd been expecting him to at least say _something_ once. Usually Josh doesn't let _anyone_ drive his car, let alone without a fight. This made me even more worried about him. I hadn't thought that was even possible.

Looking at Josh now, I felt I got a glimpse of what he was like as a young child, vulnerable, scared, small, it looked as if Josh had lost about ten years, rather than looking older, as most do when they experience the death of a person close to them, sitting in that front seat, he looked about seven years old, and like he was about to fall apart.

I grabbed his hand in mine I didn't say anything. At this point, I didn't think there was anything I _could _say.

Thomas' funeral was packed, not only with friends and family, but also with media, apparently in his world, news travels fast, not just at Easton, but everywhere. At first, I pitied those people, then I realized that now I _was_ one of those people. That was another thing that scared me about being a student at Easton.

As we were waiting to speak with Thomas' parents, I couldn't help but overhear their conversation. "The country house really is beautiful this time of year. We would be there right now if we didn't have to be here. It really is a pity, I'd been hoping to make it there before the snow hits, then we'll be off to St. Luke's for a few months, to get away from all of these _dreadful_ teens, they're even worse than the media nowadays. It really is terrible; all they're interested in is what Thomas was like as a kid. It is jus _so_ terribly boring talking to these people" She continued to rant, but I tuned her out as I began to see red. Josh and I had reached the front of the line, and I just about dug my heel into her perfectly manicured foot, but I mumbled something noncommittal along the lines of "I'm sorry for your loss" and moved on. I couldn't believe them, talking about how their _son's_ death was too much of an inconvenience to be able to leave for a vacation, but I also couldn't believe myself. I had never been so _hateful_ towards anyone other than my mother before. I grabbed Josh's hand, and was about to walk right out of there, like Noelle, but I stopped myself, I wasn't going to be weak and give her that satisfaction, I also could not leave Josh here alone under any circumstances, and I knew he would regret it later if we left. I would push through my blind hatred, and make sure Josh was going to be okay today too.

As excruciating as it was listening to Thomas' mother speak to her friends, it was a thousand times worse looking into Josh's eyes and seeing something there I had never seen before, defeat. I knew, as much as there were times Josh resented Thomas and his partying, he really did feel like Thomas was his brother. Through the entire service, I saw Josh try to, unsuccessfully hold back his heartbreaking sobs, and that just about started my own sobs, but I knew I couldn't start crying, Josh needed me, more than I needed to mourn, both over the fact that Thomas was dead, and the fact that Josh was destroying himself. Josh needed a strong shoulder to cry on, and, somehow, I needed to manage that for him.


	32. Chapter 31 Somewhere Only We Know

Chapter 31: Somewhere Only We Know

Oh simple thing where have you gone?  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go  
Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
This could be the end of everything  
So why don't we go  
Somewhere only we know?

The closer we got to the party, that had been rescheduled, apparently the dean thought it was a little too soon for us to party the day of the funeral. Sure, _now_ he's sensitive. Unfortunately, I was still being forced to go tomorrow, as was Josh. I thought the entire idea was insensitive and cruel, but apparently just about everyone else disagreed with me.

I couldn't help but think back to that dreadful conversation the day before, during lunch. Josh and I were headed to the end of the table we were now forced to sit at, now that I was one of _them_, when we were forced to squeeze right in the middle of them, but neither Josh nor I had the energy to argue with Noelle. The second we sat down, without so much as a 'Hey guys, how's it going?' Noelle opened with "Don't forget about the party tomorrow. You both are expected to be there, especially you Reed. The Billings girls are hosting, so you better be there." And with that, Noelle turned to talk to Taylor not caring what my response was. I hated how she'd decided I was one of them all of a sudden; I may be living with them, but not by choice. I was _nothing_ like the rest of them.

Predictably, I got angry with Noelle, and without thinking yelled, "Do you even realize how completely insensitive that is? Do you look for every possible opportunity to party and drink? Well then I'm definitely not one of _you"_

Josh had been paying enough attention at that point to know to drag me away from Noelle before something bad happened. As I continued to think about it, I was seething. I _really_ hated Noelle sometimes. I couldn't believe just how insensitive she is, and to lump me in with them just made it all the worse. For the most part, they are terrible people. If I'd had the choice, Billings is the _last_ place I'd be, unfortunately, I had no choice.

I tried to pull myself together but found that it was impossible. Josh and I were quite a sight; he was forced to drive, because I was still too angry and unable to pull myself together, and Josh was quietly sobbing behind the wheel, trying to focus on the road. Upon seeing this, I tried even harder to pull myself together, but it seemed to have the opposite effect, I was even angrier. Josh was expected to go to this stupid party, for his dead best friend, the day after his funeral. It broke my heart to think about just how bad it had to be for Josh, it broke my heart. Thomas may have been a jerk, but he didn't deserve to die at 17, no one does. This is not something anyone should be celebrating. I was confused as to why everyone was asking how I was, since Thomas had died. I'd hardly known the guy, I may have been the last one to see him alive, but no one else knew that. Thomas did seem to be under the delusion that there was something between us, could it be that everyone else was also under that delusion? Somehow I doubted it, but I could come up with no other reasonable reason. Even Thomas isn't that stupid, or is he? How well could I possibly really know Thomas? The more I thought about it, I realized the truth is I really don't. I had known Thomas for all of a month, and I had a feeling that the way he was in front of me isn't the _real_ Thomas. I don't think I could say I knew Thomas at all, and that worried me. Really, how much did I know about any of them? Josh was about the only person I wasn't worried about, him and Constance. I was worried mostly about the Billings Girls, after all of the stalkerish behaviour, I couldn't help but wonder if I was living with a bunch of psychos, I would like to have believed that they wouldn't be at Easton if they were, but I'm sure enough of Daddy's money could get them in. Noelle seemed to know all kinds of details about me that no one should know, yet I didn't even know where she was from. _Why am I living with these people?_ The more I thought about Noelle and the other Billings Girls, the angrier I got, but I had to pull myself together, focus on now. Josh looked like he was about to break down at the wheel.

"Josh, you need to pull over. You shouldn't be driving right now." I saw a tear roll down Josh's cheek and I knew that if I had been out of it for much longer there would've been an accident. Josh nodded and slowly pulled over onto the shoulder. Josh and I got out of the car, and when we met at the front of the car, I pulled him into my arms as he sobbed. I don't doubt we got some strange looks from passerby, but I could care less. Josh released me and dejectedly made his way to the passenger's side. His head hung low in his hands as I pulled away. Eventually he pulled himself together enough to lift his head and blankly stare out the window. When we finally arrived at Easton, Josh looked the most at peace he had been since Thomas' death. I hated to break him out of his relative peace, but he looked exhausted, and I wanted to get him back to Ketlar to sleep. All of the students, including those not attending Thomas' funeral, were given the day off of classes, so I didn't have to worry about getting Josh to class. Josh and I had reached Ketlar before I realized we would have to get past Mr. Cross to get Josh to his room. Fortunately Trey was already back from the funeral as well, and was in the common room, the only room I was technically allowed in, not that I had heeded that rule in the past. Trey helped me sneak Josh past Mr. Cross' room and upstairs before leaving me alone with Josh. I had to remember to thank him somehow later. I got Josh into his room before I addressed the situation I had been reluctant to mention the entire way home. I had to get Josh to take his meds, he needed sleep and in this state there was no way he was going to get any at all. The only way for him to relax would be for him to take his meds, and even then I wasn't sure if they would work fast enough. "Josh, look I realize how much you hate being numb, but I really think you should take your meds, at least today, you really need sleep. I can tell. You don't have to keep taking them, but just for now, okay?"

Josh sighed dejectedly, and he whispered "You're right" and dug his still full container out of his bag. I didn't know if it was full because he had refilled it or because he hadn't taken his meds all week. My guess was the latter. "Will you stay with me Reed? Please?" Josh looked so desperate, there was no way I could say no to him. I nodded, refusing to think about what Noelle might do when I didn't show up at Billings at curfew. I didn't care what she did so long as it wouldn't result in me and Josh getting caught.


	33. Chapter 32 Earthquake

Chapter 32

Earthquake

I can remember days  
Things weren't always this way  
I used to make you smile  
If only for a while  
But now you can't get through  
There's no way I can lose  
I know some days are hard  
But don't you make mine too

Cos I can't stand it when you come home and we just fight for hours  
But I won't show it no I'll just hold my breath and keep it quiet

I woke up wrapped in Josh's arms and wished it could be this way every morning. I turned to Josh's clock, realizing, not only had we slept all afternoon, but through the night as well. I felt, more than saw Josh waking up next to me. He groaned softly before sighing contentedly, and whispering in my ear "Thank you Reed, that was the best sleep I've had in weeks, no, scratch that, the best sleep I've ever had," Kissing me gently. Yes, this was blissful, I could definitely do this every day for the rest of my life, and I don't think I would ever get tired of it. "I wish it could always be like this." Josh whispered, mirroring my thoughts. I sighed in agreement, wishing we could stay that way, but knowing deep down, that we couldn't, that eventually, we would be missed, and it would arouse suspicion Josh and I really didn't need. At least it was Saturday, so we could spend the day together before Noelle's dreadful party. I left Josh's room to go change, hoping beyond all hope that all of the Billings girls would already be at breakfast. I wanted to sneak in and act like I had been there all night. The last thing I needed was another secret for Noelle to hold over my head. Chances are, Noelle already knows, she _is_ my roommate after all. I shuddered at the thought.

Luckily enough for me, almost all of the Billings girls were already at breakfast, and the rest of them were still in their rooms getting ready, I passed no one in the halls or the elevator getting to my room. Not a soul noticed me slip silently into my room, I was almost afraid to go in, having the irrational fear that Noelle was in there prepared to threaten me into doing her bidding. Thankfully, I was alone in the room, afraid for nothing, though my heart continued to pound. Surprisingly, I noticed Noelle's bed looked as though it hadn't been slept in. Nothing had moved from the day before. Maybe I _was_ safe, yet, I thought, even if Noelle _hadn't_ been here last night, she might very well know that I wasn't either. I had no doubt in my mind that I wasn't yet in the clear.

I changed, and was getting ready to meet Josh when Noelle waltzed in. She immediately went red, quickly replacing it with her cool façade, but I knew she knew I had seen it. Noelle had definitely _not_ slept in her own bed last night. Noelle and I stared at each other both of us waiting for the other to break the silence, when Noelle spoke up at last. "Shouldn't you be at breakfast?" she asked.

Unfortunately for her, I had anticipated this "Shouldn't you?" I shot back.

"I _was_ there, where were you?" I knew I had to blatantly lie, to call her out on hers, I just hoped I wasn't wrong.

"No you weren't, you weren't here last night either." I hoped I was convincing.

Noelle faltered, I knew I had caught her, I just hoped I hadn't exposed myself in the process. I was right, and I guess she couldn't tell I was bluffing; living with her must cause her to rub off on me.

"I knew it. You were with Dash, weren't you?" I wanted to get her to admit it to me, to show I wasn't going to be easy to push around.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I was." She was nervous, and trying desperately to hide it, but failing miserably. She knew she had been caught, and she could get expelled for it, but so could I, Noelle somehow didn't know that though, so much for all knowing Noelle.

"Don't worry, your secret's safe with me, for now." I added ominously, though I had no intention of telling anyone, it might just bring my secret out and I was much more likely to get kicked out for it than Noelle. Besides, I liked dash well enough, and turning Noelle in would mean turning him in as well.

"I knew I was right to invite you to join us Reed." Noelle sighed, she tried not to let it show, but I could tell she was relieved. Inviting, that's one way to put it, personally I prefer to call it blackmail, or initiation by force, but I didn't feel like fighting with Noelle, but if helping each other out is what Billings stood for, these girls might not be quite as bad as I'd thought. They're manipulative and demanding sure, but deep down, they really cared about people, okay, so maybe just each other, but it's more than I once thought, and now that I was one of them, I had people to rely on other than Josh and Constance it might be nice. I was finally starting to warm up to the idea of being one of them, just a little bit.

When Noelle and I _finally_ walked into the cafeteria, Josh was sitting where he usually did these days, at the end of the table that the Billings girls and most of the Ketlar boys sat at, but today, rather than sitting right at the end of the table, I decided to move in, just a little, if I'm going to be living with these people, there's no harm in trying to get to know them a little better. Noelle even abandoned her seat near the head of the table, next to the other seniors to sit next to me, therefore bringing Dash, and a few other seniors, including Lily, over closer to our end of the table. For the first time I truly felt like I belonged at this table, and I didn't feel as strange as I thought I might have, it actually felt kind of nice. I wasn't even _close_ to being able to trust these people, but maybe I could still learn to like them, or at the very least, not hate them anymore.

Josh seemed to notice my change in attitude towards the Billings girls. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Josh giving me an inquisitive look, he looked almost scared and I could hear him fidgeting under the table. I reached under the table and grabbed Josh's hand in an attempt to calm him, it was a long shot but it worked, to an extent.

I breathed a sigh of relief. There was only one nagging thought at the back of my mind preventing a peaceful bliss this morning, and we all knew there was no way I would feel anything _close_ to bliss tonight, what if I did become friends with the Billings girls? Would Josh's opinion of me change We had already fought about them on more than one occasion, but if that was the case, as much as I hated to admit it, I didn't know if Josh was worth giving up the chance of being friends with my housemates. The rest of my life at Easton would be _so_ much easier if I were friends with them. Could I let Josh stop that? The worst thing was, I wasn't sure. I tried with all my might to chase these thoughts out of my mind, focusing on all the chatter around me. Though to most, today would seem no different than any other day as soon as I actually started paying attention, I could tell something was off. They were talking about Thomas, it put everyone on edge.

"The police have _no _leads, that's fucked." Dash said holding the local paper. I couldn't help but agree with him. There was no way any even mediocre team of investigators could have no ideas as to who killed a teenage boy, and a rich one at that. Either these cops were completely incompetent or just disregarding the case. I knew the latter would not be true, even though Thomas' parents were messed up and hardly cared, the public certainly did. Easton's main gate was covered by a swarm of journalists. There was no getting in or out of Easton for now.

"Do you think the police know Thomas was dealing?" Noelle asked

Josh cleared his throat "Probably not. If there was one thing Thomas knew how to do, it was cover his tracks."

"Well somebody should tell them." Noelle said in an extremely casual tone, as if suggesting that we should study in the library instead of our room.

Noelle received quite a few skeptical looks. "Come on, what does he care? It's not like they can arrest him."

Everyone remained silent. Noelle was getting just a touch too morbid for me.

"I'm serious, if that freak show he was always working with had anything to do with it, he should be brought in and questioned. Unless you all _want_ him to get away with it." Though I hadn't known for sure Thomas was dealing, I felt like it was somehow wrong to turn him in _now_. Why hadn't one of them turned him in before if they knew he was dealing? I looked at Josh and saw my own worry mirrored in him.

Needless to say, the conversation fizzled out and dissolved into numerous small ones, but I felt once again completely uncomfortable around the Billings girls.


	34. Chapter 33 Stuck on Repeat

**Disclaimer: I don't own this… please don't sue, I really can't afford it.**

Chapter 33

**AN: I have to say, I'm really sorry I don't update as much as I really should. But, I also really appreciate every review I receive, but I haven't been getting many, and as sad as it makes me, I know you guys are reading, and I would really love to hear from you all. **

Stuck on Repeat

You've got me stuck on repeat  
And I just can't seem to break free  
You've got me stuck on repeat  
I can only move to the beat  
And I don't remember how it started  
and I don't know how to stop  
But every time I reach the bottom  
Something pulls me right back to the top 'cause  
Every time I try, every time I try  
Every time I try to break free  
Then something comes along, something comes along  
Something comes along to intervene  
My heart's skipping, skipping  
And I don't know why, I know every part  
But every time I try, every time I try  
Something comes and pulls me back to the start

I had a feeling that life at Easton was about to change forever. I was hiding out in Lily's room until Noelle's designated pre-party, which I found utterly ridiculous, but there was no getting out of it. That certainly I didn't feel bitter about missing out on spending time with Josh. Lily was a good distraction; she gave me time to unwind before what I was sure was going to be the most awkward, uncomfortable, boring party in all of history. Though the party was three hours away, I was desperate to find _some way_ to get me and Josh out of it, but I was drawing a blank, and running out of time.

"Reed come on, let's go, it's time to go get ready." Lily broke me out of my trance. I groaned, prepared to whine and gripe my way out of it, but Lily practically dragged me out of the room, giving me no time to get even one word out. I had already been forced to leave Josh almost an hour ago, and I felt terrible. I could still see the dejected look on his face as I let Noelle and Lily drag me back to Billings. I still don't know why I let them do that. Josh needed me _much_ more than they did. I guess in some way, I wanted to know what it felt like to _really_ be one of them. I still had yet to have that experience, but I was sure I wouldn't be able to enjoy it, even if under normal circumstances I would've. Josh's face kept flashing in my mind's eye. I could see him on the way back to Thomas' funeral, back in his room yesterday, and today when I had left him. My stomach was in knots and I felt terrible. I almost ripped my arm from Lily's grasp and raced to Ketlar and hide out with Josh, but unfortunately we were at Noelle's room, that, sadly, I had to call my own. I knew if I tried to make a break for it, Noelle would catch me before I had even the slightest chance of making it outside. And for that, I knew there would be repercussions, and I did not want to face Noelle's wrath yet again.

Lily practically pushed me into my room, where all of the other Billings girls were waiting for us. All of their heads turned our way as the door slammed behind us. The look Noelle gave me just about screamed in my face w_ell it's about time!_ And by now I had learned better than to piss Noelle off. It never works out well for me. I was a little scared to see just what Noelle had in store for me, would either be spectacular or I would end up dead or something, I couldn't help but suspect something along the lines of the latter. Quite frankly, Noelle scared me, but when it came to confronting her, I knew I couldn't back down, not that it was in my nature, but backing down from Noelle would give her even more control over me, control I couldn't afford to give up, the next thing I knew, she would be deciding to break up with Josh for me, maybe her goal was to ruin my life, if so, it certainly was working. The perfect life I was supposed to have here certainly wasn't what I expecting.

"Good, now we can get started." Noelle stated plainly, apparently they had been waiting for us, that would explain the death glares, God knows these girls take forever to get ready, even in the mornings for school. "Reed, get over here." Noelle demanded, pointing to the chair in front of her. I sighed, and with a little shove from Lily, I ended up in the chair and decided not to fight Noelle on this one. So I settled in for a long day.

**AN: I know this chapter is really short, but I'm struggling with writer's block, and I don't know when I'll get to update next.  
REVIEW!**


	35. Chapter 34 Last Friday Night

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Private, as I am not Kate Brian/ Kieran Scott, however, when I steal her brain and use its incredible awesomeness to take over the world; I will let you all know**

Chapter 34: Last Friday Night

**AN: I have to say, I'm really sorry I don't update as much as I really should, and I know I haven't updated in _forever_, but I really don't have the time, but I promise to try and update more often. Please don't kill me!**

Last Friday night

Yeah we danced on tabletops

And we took too many shots

Think we kissed but I forgot

Last Friday night

Yeah we maxed our credit cards

And got kicked out of the bar

So we hit the boulevard

Last Friday night

We went streaking in the park

Skinny dipping in the dark

Then had a menage a trois

Last Friday night

Yeah I think we broke the law

Always say we're gonna stop-op

Whoa-oh-oah

The pre-party was hell. I knew that it would be bad, but it was ten times worse than I'd feared. However, I was now sufficiently primped, polished and curled for this party that was sure to be an utter disaster.

As I had feared, walking into the great room in Hell Hall was a Thomas-fest. I walked in with Josh, hand in hand, and I could swear he stopped breathing. I turned to look at him, and his face was as white as I had ever seen it. I could see him rocking back onto his hells and I thought for sure he would faint. I quickly stepped between him and all of the pictures. "Josh, breathe. Just look at me, focus on your breathing. It's going to be okay." I was frantic, but I did all I could to keep my voice calm and placid.

Josh took a deep breath, and looked significantly better immediately. "I can do this, I can do this." Josh chanted under his breath, but I could tell that he didn't believe it. I opened my mouth to tell him that even if he couldn't he would be okay when Ariana stepped in out of the blue and interrupted, quite rudely, "Oh get over it Hollis. People are going to watch you, now you can either be a weakling who turns and runs, or you can be strong and face this."

As surprised as I was that she came over here to give Josh this almost-pep-talk, I was even more shocked when Josh nodded and attempted to straighten his back out of the seemingly permanent slump it had been in since Thomas' death. He still looked sad, but not desperately so. I was suddenly filled with hope, and it was because of Ariana of all people. The only thing that would surprise me more is if Noelle came over here and had a conversation with josh in which she didn't insult him, or even more so, ask Josh to dance with her.

I was growing increasingly shocked when the Billings girls actually came to join Josh and me on the side of the dance floor with drinks for each of us. I wondered if Kiran had slipped alcohol into our drinks and right then, I could've cared less. Not long after, breaking the awkward silence, Dash and Gage joined us. Apparently the pictures of Thomas lining the walls were all theirs and Noelle was definitely _not_ happy about them.

"You need to take the pictures, Dash," Noelle said, apparently attempting to regain her composure. "It's Tim Burton-level morbid."

"What, I think it's cool," Dash said, admiring his handiwork. "We're supposed to be celebrating Thomas' life. Well, this is his life."

"It's creepy," Kiran said, shuddering as she took a sip of her punch. "It's like he's staring at us."

"From beyond the grave," Taylor put in.

"Gage scoffed. "And the Oscar for superfluous drama goes to-"

Dash laughed and the two boys slapped hands "Nice!"

Noelle rolled her eyes, and turned her back to Dash. Even in the short time I had known them, I knew this was a bad sign, attached at the hip as they were, Noelle intentionally ignoring Dash is not common, she must be _really _ pissed about these pictures, though if they do, she certainly is good at not showing it. I refused to believe that this action was out of some kind of kindness for Josh. That would be too much to hope for.

Their kindness carried on throughout the rest of the night. Kindness was not something I had expected out of the Billings girls, and I had to say, the surprise was definitely pleasant. Perhaps I had jumped to conclusions too quickly about the Billings girls. Though I still didn't trust them, I certainly didn't hate them either. I found that aside from the primping, time with the Billings girls could be fun. Life with them might not be as bad as I had anticipated. I might even have fun living with these new dorm mates. Josh's mood had also increased significantly, I guessed that not only did the kindness from the Billings girls play a part, but also the fact that he had finally taken his meds, and they were beginning to work for him.

Despite how happy I was for Josh, I couldn't help but notice all the pitying stares and all of the people who seemed incapable of meeting my eyes. I found it odd, but refused to let it affect me, everyone, including Josh was at the very least not hating the party and for that I was grateful and I needed to move past all of these stares, if I thought something of every stare I had received at Easton, I would have already been driven insane by it.

I was more than grateful that Thanksgiving break would be starting tomorrow, and I would have a few days to finally breathe. Not only would the students be gone, but the police force and bodyguards constantly roaming the grounds would be gone, for the most part, as well. I couldn't help but think that as peaceful as it would be, it would be as boring as can be.

For the first time, I really looked at the pictures on the walls, I saw one of Josh and Thomas all dressed up. "Where's that one from?" I asked Josh, hoping he would be okay, as soon as the words were out of my mouth I regretted it.

"That was Penny Halston's wedding the week before school started," Josh replied, sounding a little sad, but not overwhelmingly so, like before.

"The guy she married had some stake in the Anheuser-Busch Companies, so they had bottled beer at the reception. Thomas snagged, like, a whole dolly of cases and stayed up all night drinking, just to see how far he could get," Gage put in, joining us, "When we found him at dawn, he was lying on the eighteenth green singing 'Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer' and flinging empties into a trap."

"Almost killed one of the landscaping crew," Josh added, sounding almost like his old self.

"Whatever, like twenty stitches is such a big freaking deal." Gage took a swig from his drink. "Kid did know how to party though. But you knew that didn't you Brennan?" he asked lasciviously.

I was confused, I mean I had heard stories about Thomas, but it wasn't like I had really spent any time with him. I barely knew him, and yet people were offering condolences, and now implying I knew how Thomas was.

He reached out to run his finger down my arm. Josh shoved Gage's shoulder about two seconds before I would have grabbed Gage's finger and twisted. "You have serious problems, you know that?" Josh spat.

"Look who's talking, Hollis," Gage shot back.

"Back off asshole," Josh replied.

The last thing we needed right now was a scene "Guys come on,-"

"Oooh. I'm so scared." Gage set his drink down "You think I'm scared of you, freak? Let's go."

"At least I'm not pathological," Josh retorted.

"Well maybe it just hasn't been diagnosed!"

Another shove. Not only is trash-talking more sophisticated at Easton it also dug deeper, at least with these two.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Dash walked over with his hands raised. "This is supposed to be a party, everyone mellow out."

"Mellow out, what have you been smoking?" Gage said, still belligerent.

"Nothing, I'm just saying, what's there to fight about? All our friends are here, we've paid our tribute to Pearson, and tomorrow we'll be going home for the best food of the year. It's all good," Dash said, leaning back against the wall next to Gage.

"Speak for yourself dude, somehow I don't think my mom's new Venezuelan cook is going to know how to work a turkey." Gage said, taking a step away from Josh.

And, the subject was officially changed. I let their discussion about Thanksgiving fade into the background until I heard Josh say; "Well, my parents are stuck in Germany so the kids are going to my aunt's house on the Cape, and Lynn's gonna be with his girl, neither appealed, so I'm staying here."

I immediately shot back into the conversation. This weekend suddenly got _much_ more interesting.

"You'd really rather stay here alone?" Gage asked incredulously

"Well, yeah I guess." Josh replied, and wanting to turn the conversation from himself looked to me "What are you doing Reed?"

"Actually, I'm staying here too." I replied with a smile on my face.

Under the table, Josh ran his fingers over mine, and my heart spasmed, and I turned my hand palm up on my thigh. Josh took it, and a flush started at my wrist and shot straight up my arm and throughout my body. I did my best not to smile.

This break would _definitely _be interesting. I thought as I looked at Josh. I knew Gage was sure to be rolling his eyes in the background, but I could've cared less.

**AN: A lot of this chapter was directly quoted from Untouchable and so I'm going to say again, I don't own it, please don't sue me. Also, next chapter will probably be Thanksgiving break, and we all know what that means, soccer. I hope you all enjoyed it, and please let me know.**


	36. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

**AN: Hello all, hopefully I will be able to update more frequently for you all as I no longer have to share a computer. I really hope you all enjoyed the last chapter, and I want you all to know that I value each and every review from each of you. Also, this chapter will also follow closely to Kate Brian's, however I will diverge from her path shortly after this, as the plot lines will no longer match up, so please don't think it will end in the same way as the original. I have a very different ending intended. Please don't give up on me.**

As I had anticipated, the party got out of control. Dean Marcus stood in the corner constantly looking at his watch. I was secretly hoping he would kick us out soon, because even though I was beginning to enjoy myself a little, I didn't want to risk another blowout between Josh and Gage.

"What the hell?"

A large group of people ran over to see what the commotion was just outside the Great Room was.

"What are you thinking? Do you have no self-control?" That was definitely Noelle, now I was more than a little curious. "That's it. I can't even look at you anymore!" Noelle shouted, storming back into the room. She looked over her shoulder at a shuddering, pale Taylor "I swear to God, sometimes I don't even know why we let you in."

There was an audible gasp. A Billings Girl questioning the worth of another Billings Girl was heresy to commoners. When alone, they did it all the time, already on more than one occasion, it was a question of _my _worth. But it was never done in public.

Noelle stormed out, and moments later, Taylor left with Ms. Ling. The other Billings girls followed shortly after and I wondered if I should go too, but a look Natasha shot me convinced me otherwise.

1

I awoke with a start, half asleep, with my heart racing like I had just run a mile. I rolled over to my clock, Noelle was still asleep, but as we didn't have class, that didn't mean much. My clock read 5:32 a.m.

I quietly tiptoed over to my window; sure I wouldn't fall back asleep now. The grounds were covered with a thick, dark fog, but through the fog, I could see a slim figure. I was sure I would never be able to tell who it was, until she stepped directly into the bright light of a streetlight. I saw a long blonde curl moving in the breeze, and when she turned to look at someone behind her, I caught a glimpse of her face. Taylor. She didn't seem to notice the person behind her, and continued walking. I recognized the face immediately as he stepped into the same light that had identified Taylor for me. Detective Hauer. He was in charge of Thomas' case, but I didn't understand why he would be following Taylor. Aside from Lily, Taylor was by far the kindest of the Billings girls, and besides, she is a bit of a pushover. If he were following Noelle, it would be a completely different matter; she never attempted to hide her animosity towards Thomas. Taylor entered a black car that had pulled up between Bradwell and Dayton, and sped down the hill to the Easton gates. I waited for Hauer to reappear, but he never did. I wondered if he got into the car with Taylor or walked off in the other direction. My curiosity would never be satisfied, however, as I was never close with Taylor, and didn't think much of it. As much as the Billings Girls weren't morning people, they would do anything to get to their vacation shopping. The only thing that bothered me was that now no one would know what really happened last night, as Noelle was completely biased, and when Taylor came back, there _was _no if about it; she sure as hell wouldn't be willing to talk about it.

All through breakfast I waited for someone to mention Taylor's absence, but it never happened. Apparently everyone but me was in the loop. They all knew where Taylor was, and no one bothered to let me know, even in passing. I wasn't going to say anything though, that would be too embarrassing. Not knowing the current gossip was social suicide in this circle, and I was just starting to get along with them. It would come up in conversation at some point.

One by one, my 'friends' were picked up and either driven to the airport, home or to hotels to 'meet their parents'.

In all of the drama and confusion, I had completely forgotten that reports were released yesterday. I was terrified that in all the confusion I wouldn't have the marks to maintain my scholarship, forcing me to leave Easton as soon as I began to feel welcome here. Fortunately straight B's was enough to maintain my scholarship. **(AN: if you're confused why she doesn't have the A in Barber's class, it's because she never learned the secret, because she's not friends with Taylor)** I vowed that next quarter I would focus less on the constant drama around the Billings Girls, and more on maintaining this precious scholarship. Granted, with their attitudes it wouldn't be easy. They all spent so much time partying, and having those ridiculous pre-parties, that they always ended up studying last minute. I really hoped I didn't pick up on their bad habits as well as their good ones.

Though I could've hunted down Josh, with my marks, I thought it best if I spent the day studying, because I well knew when Josh and I _studied_ it was really just us making out with our books around us, hoping that, by some miracle, we absorbed the information by osmosis. So far, no such luck. My books were all out around me, but I couldn't keep my mind on my work. My thoughts continuously drifted to Josh. Was he sitting in his dorm pretending to be studying, but really thinking about me? Or was I the farthest thing from his mind? With the state he had been in lately, I wouldn't have doubted it, but I couldn't blame him. This weekend I planned on definitely having some Josh-Reed time. God knows we needed it.

**AN: So, two chapters in one day! Aren't you all proud of me? You should be. I hope to get another chapter up by Wednesday afternoon, so you'll have lots to do. Merry Christmas from little-miss-twilight! (or if you prefer happy holidays, happy Hanukah, whatever) Sorry, no song for this chapter. **


	37. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Finally, it was 7'oclock, and time for the holiday meal. I felt rejuvenated. I had managed to get work done earlier today, and now I was going to relax. Relax and not think about Thomas, Taylor, Hauer or anyone else.

Anyone other than Josh, who was already seated at the end of a table in the middle of the room. He wore a corduroy jacket over a blue shirt, looking so amazingly handsome, I felt unworthy. Candles flickered along the length of the tables. There were three tables set this way. At the first sat a few of the faculty members, including Mrs. Lattimer. At the second was a klatch of foreign students. Josh sat at the third, with a few of the other scholarship students at the other end, their noses in books while they ignored each other.

The place smelled amazing. Roasting turkey, gravy, freshly baked bread. I glanced behind me at the buffet line, but it was empty.

"What's going on?" I asked Josh.

I folded the skirt I had borrowed from Lily under me as I sat down.

"Table service," Josh said. "Guess that's what happens when only twenty people are eating."

"Wow, it's like we're royalty."

Josh leaned across the table and glanced at the next one over "Actually, I think one of those guys _is_ royalty."

I laughed just as the doors opened, spilling forth half a dozen cafeteria workers and their trays. Platters of food quickly filled our table. Immediately I could tell this was going to be the best thanksgiving of my life.

Josh and I weighed our plates down with tons of food. Once he had everything he wanted, I watched as he dumped a ladleful of gravy all over it, even the roll. He eyed me curiously as I covered only the meat in gravy.

"Wuss," he said

"I just like it the way I like it."

"So, what are you doing later?" Josh asked. "I don't know about you, but I was bored off my ass today."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Painted a little. Called my parents. Called my brother. Called my aunt's house and diffused an argument between Tess and Tori having to do with sleeping arrangements," he said. "They're twins. Thirteen-year-old female twins with opposite personalities. It's no fun."

"What was the argument?" I asked.

"My aunt put them in the bunk room as always," he said. "They were fighting over who got to sleep on the bottom bunk. Three years ago, they were fighting over who got to sleep on the top bunk. I don't get girls."

"We are a mysterious people." I said.

For the first time in a while, Josh really laughed, his eyes shining in the candlelight.

"You must be a really good brother," I said "Most guys wouldn't bother trying."

"Just hoping to save the world from a nuclear meltdown." Josh replied "Do you have any siblings?"

"Just my brother, Scott," I said. "He's older."

"What's he like?"

"I have no complaints," I answered.

"And where's he this weekend?" Josh asked.

The question was innocent enough, but Josh had mistakenly entered volatile territory. "He's home with my parents," I replied quietly.

"Oh, Reed I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything." Josh reached across the table and grabbed my hand gently.

"It's okay Josh, really. He's better off at home alone than I would be."

Josh looked at me sadly, and I wanted to do anything I could to keep that look out of his eyes. It pained me to see him like that for any reason, especially when I was the cause.

I resumed eating, and Jos eyed me wearily for a moment before thankfully changing the subject.

"So, you want to hang out after this?" he asked.

I glanced around to see if anyone at the faculty table had heard him. They were all too involved in their meals and their hushed conversation.

"I don't know. How would we get past Lattimer?" I asked.

"She does have certain hawklike qualities," Josh said, looking over at her. "We could go to my dorm."

"Please, Mr. Cross will totally hear us," I said. "You're the only one in the entire building. He's got nothing to distract him."

"Reed, look at the man. He's about four hundred years old. If he gets enough turkey in him, he'll be passed out before he even gets to Ketlar."

I glanced over my shoulder. Mr. Cross wiped his moustache before grabbing a second helping of turkey.

"Looks like we're good to go then," I said with a smile.

Josh smiled back. "Looks like."

Josh and I stumbled back to Ketlar, and I was feeling drunk, even though there was no alcohol in my system. I was high on this feeling, being with Josh, both of us fairly happy, and not fighting. This was rare, but I hoped that that would change.

Josh and I told childhood stories, perhaps a little too loud, but in that moment, I didn't care. It would be worth getting caught to feel this amazing, and to see that smile on Josh's face.

The door to Ketlar creaked open and I silently prayed that Mr. Cross wasn't still awake, or worse yet, standing just inside the entrance, waiting to catch us, and get us both in some serious trouble. Luckily, we made it through the common room without incident, but as we were passing by Mr. Cross' room I heard a noise that sounded suspiciously like footsteps and my heart was in my throat.

**AN: Just thought I would torture you all with a little cliffy. And this is now three in one day! Can you believe it? **

**I love reviews more than Josh (which as you may have guessed is A LOT) so please review!**


	38. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

**AN: I know you all just **_**love**_** me for the ending of the last chapter, so I'll update quickly for you.**

**Disclaimer: Me *points to self* No Kate Brian *Shakes Head* You *Points to computer screen* No sue me *Shakes head* Thank you! *Smiles***

_To recap: Luckily, we made it through the common room without incident, but as we were passing by Mr. Cross' room I heard a noise that sounded suspiciously like footsteps and my heart was in my throat._

I froze, I looked at Josh. He was just as panicked as I was. We paused for just a moment and listened for more footsteps, but they didn't come. I heard something that sounded suspiciously like Mr. Cross collapsing onto his bead. I breathed a sigh of relief. Josh reached for my hand, a smile playing on his face, erasing any sign of the fear that had been there before. Once we were in the safety of the stairwell, we burst into hysterical laughter. It felt so good to laugh again, but it also kind of hurt, like exercising a muscle I hadn't used in a while.

When we had finally caught our breath, Josh said "Okay, come on. We're not out of the woods yet. We don't want to wake him up."

We began making our way up the staircase and I felt truly happy. Until the last few days, happiness had been missing from all of our lives. Now, if they can just figure out what happened to Thomas, everything would be just about perfect.

We entered the room Josh was still living in, as the room he shared with Thomas was still considered a crime scene. Maybe it was better that Josh is living in this little broom closet. I don't know if he could take being in the room he shared with Thomas. Josh was finally returning to normal, and I wondered if he was moving on a little too quickly. He could very easily be hiding the true depths of his sorrow from me. I hated to think that Josh was in pain, but didn't want to let me help him through it.

Josh and I squeezed into his room, with all his stuff, there was hardly any room to stand. We sat down on his bed, and I wrapped my arms around him. Josh leaned into me and sighed deeply. He turned and stared lovingly into my eyes. I gazed into his, and all of a sudden we were lying down and he was supporting himself over top of me. We lay there like that for a moment, just gazing into each other's eyes. The look in Josh's eyes had me completely at ease, but then, something changed. Josh's eyes flashed with something I had become accustomed to from him, jealousy, but I was confused, I was with him, I loved him and he knew it, didn't he?

"Reed, I need you to tell me the truth. We're you cheating on me with Thomas?"

My mouth dropped open. I couldn't even formulate words. I couldn't imagine what had made him think that.

"You were, weren't you? I can't believe it, he told me and I didn't listen." Josh was raving. I could see both anger and hurt splayed on his face.

I reached for his hand "Josh, you know that's not true. Why on earth would you think that I was cheating on you, and with Thomas of all people?" I tried to remain clam, but then he started yelling at me.

"Don't lie to me Reed. He told me, and everyone on campus knows, but I didn't want to believe it. The look on your face said everything. I can't believe you. You had me believing you loved me, but I guess that was all a game, wasn't it, Reed? Never trust a Billings Bitch" He murmured the last part under his breath, but I heard it none the less.

I kept trying to open my mouth to interrupt him, but with ach word it was like a knife was driven into my chest. "Josh, it was never a game. There was only ever you. I do love you, just _listen_ to me Josh."

But he was having none of it. He was convinced that I was cheating on him, and at that point, there was nothing I could do to convince him otherwise.

"You know what, Josh, if you're not going to listen to me, I'm leaving," I wanted to stay and convince him that nothing ever happened between me and Thomas, but I was too furious that Josh didn't believe me.

I took the three steps to his door, and as tempting as it was, I didn't slam the door; I wasn't going to get caught for _that_. I bit back tears as I ran for the stairs. I would let them flow freely when I got back to Billings, but for now I couldn't afford to lose my focus. I crept past Mr. Cross' door, and after that, I was home free. I raced back to Billings as fast as I could in my skirt. Of all the times Josh and I had fought, this was the first time that he accused me of cheating on him, and those words dug deeply. I wasn't sure if I could forgive him for that for a while.

By the time I got back to Billings, I was past the point of being sad. Now I was _pissed_ I couldn't believe Josh had spoken to me that way. Not only accused me of cheating, but also calling me a liar, and calling me a bitch, and in the name, also a slut, because I knew that's what Josh thought of the Billings girls. I had hoped that that opinion had changed now that I was one of them, but apparently that was too much to hope for.

My resolve hardened. I was not going to let Josh get to me. If he didn't trust me, he wasn't worth dating, and as much as it would hurt me, if he didn't beg for forgiveness by tomorrow at dinner, I was going to end things with him. Even if he _did_ beg for forgiveness, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to continue going out with him. I was both happy and afraid of the prospect of ending things with Josh, because, as much as I cared about him, I couldn't be with someone who didn't trust me. I settled in for a night of studying, and refused to think about Josh, no matter how many times thoughts of him tried to creep into my mind.

**AN: So, I'm guessing you guys knew they weren't going to get caught, duh. And you were probably expecting a lovely-dovey scene with Reed and Josh, and quite frankly, so was I, but it didn't work out that way, but on the plus side, **_**SOCCER**_** probably in the next chapter, I know I said that like four chapters ago, but I'm serious this time, it's going to happen.**


	39. Chapter 38 All I Wanted Pt 1

Chapter 38 All I wanted

Think of me when you're out, when you're out there  
I'll beg you nice from my knees  
When the world treats you way too fairly  
It's a shame I'm a dream

All I wanted was you  
All I wanted was you

I think I'll pace my apartment a few times  
And fall asleep on the couch  
And wake up early to black and white re-runs?  
That escaped from my mouth

All I wanted was you  
All I wanted was you  
All I wanted was you  
All I wanted was you

I could follow you to the beginning  
And just relive the start  
And maybe then we'd remember to slow down  
At all of our favorite parts

All I wanted was you

**AN: So, now we know why everyone feels bad for Reed. For those of you who were lost in the moment, or found it unclear, what happened was, Thomas told everyone that he was secretly with Reed, including Josh. And now, for the first time in a while, we get to see what's going on in Josh's mind. Also, I just realised I already did soccer earlier, so I have something else planned, but you're just going to have to wait and see.**

Josh POV

I was an idiot. I couldn't believe the things I'd said to Reed. As much as I wish I could blame her, I knew she was telling me the truth, I just couldn't believe my best friend had wanted to hurt me that much. As soon as I realized what I had done, I tried to call Reed, but of course, she wasn't answering her phone. It didn't surprise me; she had every right to be pissed at me. I considered going over there, but it was late, and I had no way of getting into Billings. Reed sure as hell wasn't going to let me in. I resolved to go over there in the morning. I would beg on my knees for her to take me back if I had to, but I wasn't going to let my moment of idiocy drive us apart. Selfish as it was, I needed her to much then. I was afraid I would fall apart without her, I loved her too much, and I was too much of an idiot to see that she loved me too.

I needed something special for her. Just an apology wasn't enough. I wasn't sure if she would take me back after what I did, and I wouldn't blame her, but I needed to do everything I could to get her back again after pushing her away so harshly last night. I had planned on that being perfect. I wasn't sure what it was that led me to snapping at her like that, and at that moment of all times.

I knew I wouldn't be able to focus on anything else all night except for Reed. I dropped my head in my hands, and tried to come up with the perfect way to get her back.

I don't know how long I was like that for, but eventually, I figured out what I was going to do, I just prayed that it would work and Reed would take me back, eventually.

Reed POV

I spent the night studying, and as much as I wished I hadn't, I must've spent an hour thinking about Josh. If things had gone the way I'd hoped last night, we would've been so much happier. I wasn't as angry anymore. I felt my resolve beginning to crumble, but all it took was thinking back to that moment when he called me a _Billings Bitch _and I was pissed all over again. I still couldn't believe Josh thought of me that way. There were moments that I didn't think I was ready to forgive him, and others where I knew I would take him back the second I saw him.

I wasn't sure which emotional state I would be in when I saw Josh, and I wasn't sure which I _wanted_ to be in. I wasn't sure being with Josh was worth all of the crap anymore, but I also didn't have the heart to leave him right now, as much as he had hurt me. That didn't mean I had forgiven him yet, I still expected some serious grovelling today after what happened last night, but I had a feeling it wouldn't take as much as it should for me to take him back.

Strangely, I wished Noelle and the other Billings Girls were here so that they could keep me angry at Josh, as I deserved to be. I wanted Noelle's strength to strengthen me, because I'm obviously _way_ to forgiving. I wished I had Taylor and Lily, who are always so calm, collected and reasonable to balance out Noelle's rash reactions. But most of all, I wanted them here so that I could have somebody to be here for me right now. Someone to be there for me if Josh didn't apologize and I broke up with him. At this point I think it may hurt me more than him to end things here. For all I know, he's going to tell me this morning at breakfast that he's through with me. If he does, I _will _accept it and move on. I will even stoop to the point of calling Noelle for help, but I will not let Josh ruin my life. I would rather be a Billings Bitch than let Josh ruin my life here that's supposed to be perfect.

Whether things end today or not, things are definitely going to change. I refuse to have Josh this jealous and suspicious all the time. It's not fair to either of us, and I hope he realizes that.

By the time breakfast came around, I was so afraid my resolve would crack that I didn't go. I didn't care if it made me a coward, I was terrified of seeing Josh, so I stayed in my room all morning, attempting to study.

I sat on my bed, attempting to focus on schoolwork, and failing miserably, when my phone rang. Thinking it might be home I picked it up and checked caller ID. Josh. I let it go to voicemail. Three seconds after it stopped ringing it started again. Once more I checked caller ID. Josh again. Once again, I let it go to voicemail. Once again it started ringing three seconds after it stopped. Again it was Josh. After staring at the screen again I reluctantly answered and hoped for the best, but I was prepared for the worst.

"Reed…"

**AN: Dun, Dun, DUH! Haha, thought I would leave you all with yet another cliffy. I hope you don't hate me **_**too **_**much. I hae updated 5 times in the last two days. You have to give me that, right?**

**Please, please, please review, I love them more than Josh, yeah, I love them a **_**LOT**_** so please be nice and drop me a quick one. Let me know what you think. I don't care if you absolutely hate it, just please let me know what you think. Thanks!**


	40. Chapter 39 All I wanted Pt 2

Chapter 39 All I Wanted Pt. 2

**AN: I really hope you all enjoyed All I Wanted Pt. 1. I know that it was mean of me to leave you with that ending, but I didn't have the right words yet, and I wanted you guys to get that chapter ASAP. I know you guys are reading, and I really appreciate each of you (though I would appreciate you more if you reviewed) and I really hope that you'll give me some feedback to help improve the story, I want you all to enjoy it to. And without further ado, on with All I wanted.**

_Previously: "Reed…"_

"Reed, please, will you meet me in the art cemetery? I just I need to apologize for last night, and I would rather not do it over the phone, and you weren't at breakfast and-" He was rambling, so I cut him off.

"Yes, Josh, I'll meet you there in a few minutes."

I wasn't particularly happy about it, but from the tone of his voice, I could tell he was truly apologetic. I just hoped I could take whatever would happen during our meeting in the Art Cemetery. I took a deep breath and headed to the door, determined to hold my ground. I quickly made my way across campus, thankfully not running into Josh on the way. I wanted as much time as possible to prepare myself for this.

I never thought I would see the day when I was afraid to see Josh. And yet it happened. And so soon. I knew I should be more upset, but as I walked, I could feel my love for him overwhelming my anger and sadness. I still expected an apology, I certainly deserved it, but I knew I would forgive him the second I saw him.

I arrived at Hull Hall, taking one final deep breath before walking in. I wanted to appear as normal as possible. I slipped silently along the wall until I reached the door to the Art Cemetery, which was still slightly ajar. I gently nudged it open and slid in, trying to look unaffected. What I saw surprised the _hell_ out of me.

Josh POV

I was in the Art Cemetery, setting up for Reed, though I didn't know if she would come. I was putting off calling her for fear of rejection. I don't know if I could take her refusing to meet me or worse yet, breaking up with me over the phone, though I deserved something like that. I hated myself. I couldn't believe the things I'd said to her, even the next day. I wished I could blame not taking my medication, but I had. This outburst was all me. Me and Thomas. I had everything set up perfectly, now all that was missing was Reed. I took out my phone and dialled, hoping for the best, completely unprepared for the worst.

My call went to voicemail. I sighed, beginning to feel defeated, but I wasn't going to give up that easily. I would keep trying until she answered my call. I tried again. Again she sent it to voicemail. I took a deep breath and called again. She finally answered. _Maybe third time _is_ the charm._

"Reed, please, will you meet me in the art cemetery? I just I need to apologize for last night, and I would rather not do it over the phone, and you weren't at breakfast and-" I was rambling. I knew it, and I wanted to stop but I couldn't. Thankfully, Reed cut me off before I said anything stupid and made things worse.

"Yes, Josh, I'll meet you there in a few minutes."

Those words coming out of her mouth meant almost as much to me as the first time she told me she loved me. Why, oh why, couldn't I have thought about _that_ last night, rather than Thomas, trying to convince me that the love of my life was cheating on me with _him_. I wasn't the only one who bought it, and it made me feel a little better to know that, but not much. I should've known Reed better than that. She would never do that to me, and I knew it, but I didn't want to think of Thomas as the liar he obviously was.

Everything was ready, now it was just a waiting game. I wondered if Reed would bail on me at the last moment, I thought of that with regret, but not anger towards her, I couldn't be angry at her. All of this was my doing.

In hope, I left the door to the Art Cemetery slightly ajar, and sat down to wait, only hoping that she would come, to give me a chance to make it all up to her after my idiocy last night.

The door creaked open, and I jumped up, hoping with all my heart that it was Reed.

**AN: So, this chapter is pretty short, but I still don't have the right words for this romantic gesture, and I want it to be perfect for you, as much as for Reed, so please be patient and review. Thanks!**


	41. Chapter 40

**Disclaimer: If you haven't figured out I don't own **_**Private**_** yet, you seriously need to get a clue… Stop looking at me that way! I'm sorry okay! Don't hate me! *hides in corner***

**AN: Anyways, I had a bit of a difficult time coming up with the perfect romantic gesture, and I hope that you all find it sufficient and Josh enough. You guys should also check out the song for this chapter, it's by Idina Menzel, and she is **_**incredible**_**. Please R & R. Without further ado, chapter 40:**

Chapter 40: My Own Worst Enemy

In the roses in the spring  
I remember, there was a time I wasn't afraid of anything  
with the lilacs and the rain one day you went away  
I remember, I forgot everything

My mother's always trying to tell me how to be grateful, how to believe  
My father's always trying to say "baby you're beautiful, in every way"  
My lover's always got me in his arms trying to protect me, keep me from harm  
so why do I always have to be my worst, my own worst enemy?  
Enemy, oh

In the shadows in the grace in the lonely there is a place  
where we can all hide away  
but in the windows of the soul there is nowhere we can go  
if we keep running, running from our destiny.

_Previously (Josh's POV): The door creaked open, and I jumped up, hoping with all my heart that it was Reed._

My breath caught in my throat as she walked in. As much as I had hoped it was her only moments before, now I wished she had taken more time getting here. I wasn't ready to face her yet. I began to feel light headed, and realized that I was holding my breath, I struggled to take a breath and tried to appear calm, but it was difficult.

Reed POV

As nervous as I was to see Josh, I jutted my chin out, trying to look confident, as I pushed the door open. I didn't want him to know the power he held over me but the façade was lost as I stepped into the art cemetery. All of a sudden I saw something brown flying toward my face. I flinched and managed to catch it. I realized with a start that it was a football. I was confused. I looked up at Josh who had a pleading look in his eyes. I couldn't manage to hold his gaze. My eyes dropped to the football in my hand. A note was scrawled on it in Josh's scratchy handwriting: _Reed, I'm really sorry for last night, and I only hope that you'll give me a chance to start over._

I looked up at Josh, tears in my eyes. I was touched by his gesture, and I thought back to the day I had met him:

_As I walked across campus, I heard a group of boys playing football. Had I known them I would've joined them, but it would've been awkward, especially for me, so I continued walking not paying attention, hoping others would be paying enough attention to avoid me, I certainly wasn't. I was still walking when I heard someone shout "Hey! Look out!" I reluctantly looked up, not thinking that the _Hey! Look out!_Was aimed at me. I was wrong. I got nailed in the head with the football. Usually I would've caught it, but my hands were full and I wasn't prepared to drop everything. The ball flew through my hands and hit me smack between the eyes, causing me to stumble a little. My cheeks burned red. _Great way to start at a new school Reed_. I thought to myself._

_My head was spinning. I guess the ball hit me harder than I'd thought. I wobbly sat down on the edge of the sidewalk. A cute blond boy ran over looking worried._

That was the first day I had met Josh, and immediately I knew that there was something about him. Something I loved. And I wouldn't let one night of stupidity get in the way of the amazing thing I knew we were capable of. I trusted myself and I trusted Josh, but if he couldn't trust me, there was no way we could go on. I would have to end things with Josh. I couldn't just accept this apology without a promise for things to get better. Even then, I wasn't sure if we would truly be able to continue without trust.

"Reed, please, say something, anything." Josh pleaded, but I was at a loss for words.

I opened my mouth, but all that I could get out was a defeated squeak. That pulled me back into reality. I found my voice again. "Josh, as much as I appreciate your apology, there is no way that I could ever pretend that last night didn't happen." I said, avoiding Josh's eye. I looked up at him finally, and he looked completely defeated. "But I _do_ think that we may be able to get past this. In time." I added. Josh looked relieved.

"Reed. I promise. I will do anything I possibly can to win you back. I was an idiot last night."

"Yeah, you really were Josh, and we both know I didn't deserve that." I said, not nearly as harshly as I wished I had.

"I know Reed, and if I could take it back I would. I was stupid and didn't take my meds, and I wasn't myself. I know it's no excuse but, I hope we can work past this." Josh obviously felt terrible about it, but I wasn't quite ready to forgive him completely yet.

"Josh, I just need time. I think we can get past this, but I don't know." I turned to walk out the door, but I felt Josh's hand wrap around my wrist, stopping me. I turned around, and seeing the pain in his eyes, resolved to stay. I would give him this chance the remorse in his eyes in that moment proved it.

**AN: I'm going to end it here and I should update in about a week and a half as I have exams right now, but I'll do my best.**


	42. Chapter 41 Turning Tables

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned Private, but I don't, but neither do you, unless you're Kieran Scott, in which case, you want to give it to me? AN: So, exam week is finally over, and I should be able to get a couple more chapters out in the next couple weeks. Send me love? I miss all of your reviews.**

Chapter 41: Turning Tables

Close enough to start a war

All that I have is on the floor

God only knows what we're fighting for

All that I say, you always say more

I can't keep up with your turning tables

Under your thumb, I can't breathe

So I won't let you close enough to hurt me

No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me

I can't give you, what you think you give me

It's time to say goodbye to turning tables

To turning tables

Under haunted skies I see you, ooh

Where love is lost, your ghost is found

I braved a hundred storms to leave you

As hard as you try, no I will never be knocked down

I can't keep up with your turning tables

Under your thumb, I can't breathe

Josh and I had stayed in the Art Cemetery until curfew. The two of us had worked out our problems from last night, but I was worried that something else would just come up tomorrow. It seems that Josh and I can't go more than a few days without getting into a fight over something. I let out a loud sigh. I couldn't live like this. As perfect as last night had been, I knew it wasn't enough. I loved that I could look into his eyes and see love there, but then all of a sudden that was gone, and he was yelling at me, and accusing me of everything under the sun. I knew what I had to do, and after last night, it wouldn't be easy, but it was for the best. As much as I wanted things to work with me and Josh, they just weren't going to, and I would have to end this. It was just too painful for me, but I knew that breaking up with him would break my heart. I doubted myself, I didn't know if what I was doing was the right thing, but right now, I had no reason to believe otherwise. Josh may love me, but he doesn't trust me. And whether I end things now or not, they are just going to continue to spiral out of control.

I marched right over to the Art Cemetery, knowing Josh would be there until everyone else got back later today. I couldn't wait any longer. If I did I knew my resolve would crumble. Hell, who was I kidding, it already was. As I reached the door of the Art Cemetery, I knew I couldn't do it. Josh and I would just have another long conversation, and hopefully be able to work out some of our issues. I was torn. If I wasn't in serious danger of being caught, I probably would've stood there much longer, trying to work out what to do. Unfortunately, I didn't have that luxury.

I pushed open the door forcefully and was appalled by what I saw. My eyes filled with tears, but I quickly blinked them back. He wouldn't see me cry. Not this time. Not ever again. **(AN: I considered ending here but I think you would have killed me)**

Josh. Pushed up between Ariana and a wall. I tried to convince myself that it was a hallucination. They weren't in here making out. Josh wasn't cheating on me. But even as I tried to convince myself of this, I knew my eyes weren't lying to me.

"You lying, cheating asshole!" I screamed. I couldn't control myself. "In case it wasn't clear, we are through." I stormed out of the Art Cemetery. I didn't give him the chance to explain, I just ran. It was a good thing I left when I did, because the tears were streaming down my face before I was out of Hull Hall. I ran across campus back to Billings. Almost everyone was back from Thanksgiving break, and I disappeared into the crowd. Before I opened the door, I took my first look back, and didn't see Josh anywhere. He didn't try to follow, didn't try to apologize or do anything. My heart shattered. I was a blip to him. A nothing. A nothing that _seriously_ had to move on.

I held my head high as I walked past the other Billings' Girls, my tears dry on my face. I promised myself that those would be the last tears I ever shed for Josh Hollis. I was lost in my thoughts when all of a sudden Noelle was in my field of vision. "So, I hear you and Hollis broke up." Noelle stated as if it were old news. I was already walking past her, and whirled around to face her.

"How could you possibly know _already_?" I asked incredulously.

"I have my sources." She replied nonchalantly.

Suddenly I realized who must have told her. "Ariana told you didn't she?"

Noelle never answered my question, but I knew I was right. It wasn't enough to hook up with Josh while we were still together, but no she had to tell everyone too. Until now, I had only pitied her for losing her spot in Billings. In that moment, I hated her.

"So, since you're back on the market, I think it's time for you to bond with the rest of us. We're going to find you a new boyfriend, and fast. You have to show Hollis that he doesn't control you." Noelle was a little too excited, but she was right. Even if there wasn't anyone I wanted to be with like Josh, I couldn't let him think that what he did held any power over me, even though it did. More than I wanted to admit. I sighed and nodded to Noelle, who immediately called a meeting in our room to discuss her plan. I followed reluctantly, though all I wanted to do was sit down with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and watch Chick Flicks that would only make me feel worse about myself.

**AN: Okay, so if you hate me, that's okay. But just so you know, there is still hope for Josh and Reed. Please send some love my way. I can't wait to hear from you.**


	43. Chapter 42 Misguided Ghosts

**Disclaimer: Not mine, okay, I don't own this. I don't really own much at all. **

**AN: So I have another chapter for you, and you'll probably hate me, but just try to stick with me please. **

Chapter 42: Misguided Ghosts

Now I'm told that this is life

Pain is just a simple compromise

So we can we get what we want out of it

Will someone care to classify

A broken heart and twisted minds

So I can find, someone to rely on,

And run to them

to them

Full speed ahead

Oh you are not

Useless

We are just

Misguided ghosts

Traveling endlessly

The ones we trusted the most

Pushed us far away

And there's no one road

We should not be the same

I'm just a ghost

And still they echo me

They echo me in circles.

Not only did finding me a replacement for Josh require me going on dates with guys picked by the Billings' Girls, but I apparently also required a full makeover. At first I whined and complained, not wanting to be their Barbie doll, but as the time passed, I realized that I needed this. I needed to move on. It may be fast, but I have to say, Josh moved on faster. If I was too fast, what was he? A lying cheating asshole. That's what he was, and I hated myself for not seeing it sooner. There must have been signs, but I was so wrapped up in everything else I missed it. I had never been cheated on before, and I guess I used that to excuse my missing it. I wanted to hope that last night was the first time, but from what I saw, they were much too passionate for that. I shuddered at the thought and forced myself to focus on the task at hand. Make Josh regret ever cheating on me. For some reason, I had a feeling it would be difficult than any of us expected, I mean, he was obviously with Ariana now, so I had already been replaced. I turned back to the mirror where I saw my perfectly primped and polished reflection in front of me, ready to go to dinner and hopefully make one blonde boy in there _seriously_ regret his choices.

Josh POV

I hate myself. I thought I hated myself before, but this brings self-loathing to a whole other level. I don't even know what happened with Ariana. I have no idea how she found me, but all of a sudden she was there and all over me, and before I could push her away, I heard Reed's voice. I hung my head in shame just thinking about it. She had every right to be pissed at me, but she was gone before I could say anything. I tried to find her, but she was lost in the crowd surging towards the dorms. Eventually, I gave up and sank to the ground, my head in my hands, hating myself for what I had done. It was then that Ariana walked past me, laughing. She didn't even acknowledge me, so obviously she just wanted to get back at Reed for God knows what. I had a feeling it had to do with Billings, not that it mattered, she had clearly accomplished her goal. Reed hated me. I had no doubt in my mind that if Noelle found out, she would never let me explain to Reed what happened. I will never understand Noelle's obsession with Reed. And now I'll never know, because it's no longer my business. I let out a strangled sob at that thought. Reed is what held me together through all the crap with Thomas, and now that she's gone, I feared that I would crumble to pieces and never be able to pull myself together.

I didn't want to move, I didn't want to eat, but Trey found me, and force me to my feet and into the dining hall. I had food sitting in front of me, but I couldn't eat it. I just stared at it, willing it to disappear so I would have a reason to leave and mope in private. I was lost in my thoughts when I heard a collective gasp from almost everyone in the dining hall. I reluctantly raised my head, and my eyes filled with tears as I beheld the amazing sight before me. Reed looked absolutely radiant. More beautiful than ever. I got up to go and talk to her. Try to sort this out, but she hardly looked at me, and as I attempted to follow, Noelle shot me a death glare. I swear, if looks could kill. I sat back down, feeling defeated, but I knew I couldn't give up. I had to talk to her, even if she didn't want to, there were things I needed to say.

I stood back up and walked purposefully to the table she sat at with the other Billings Girls. Reed looked a little uneasy, but managed to keep up with the conversation. She didn't look nearly as upset as I had expected and it ate me up inside. I hated that she was moving on not even twelve hours after our breakup. I wanted to talk to her, but doubted my ability to form a coherent sentence with her there looking that amazing, knowing I no longer had any right to want her, and it was all my idiocy that did this to me.

Reed POV

Noelle and the girls had convinced me that I needed to make it seem like I was over Josh. I had to avoid eye contact, and look like I was having fun. It wouldn't have been that hard had I not been completely miserable. I didn't want to eat, much less smile and laugh right now. I was falling apart, but I had to try to keep it together.

All through dinner I laughed and smiled, but it was forced. Anyone who knew me would know something was up, but the one person that usually would have made me feel better was the last person I wanted to talk to. As I walked coolly past Josh when I entered the dining hall with all the other Billings Girls it took all of my strength to not listen to Josh`s pleas. One look in his eyes told me that he was upset about earlier, but I didn`t want to hear it.

It was then that I realized how few friends I had on campus because of Josh. Until now I hadn`t really thought much of it, but in keeping me from the Billings Girls I had no one to bond with. I intended to change that. These girls were my family now, and they supported me through one of the worst days of my life, even though I hardly knew most of them. I still didn't understand why Noelle had taken such an interest in me, but for the first time, I was truly grateful for it.

**AN: So, I really hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and please stick with me. I promise, things will pick back up. I finally know exactly where I`m going and hopefully I`ll make it there soon. Please, Please, PLEASE send me some love?**


	44. Chapter 43 Long Shot

Chapter 43: Long Shot

My heart beat beats me senselessly  
Why's everything got to be so intense with me  
I'm trying to handle all this unpredictability  
In all probability

It's a long shot, but I say why not  
If I say forget it, I know that I'll regret it  
It's a long shot just to beat these odds  
The chance is we won't make it  
But I know if I don't take it, there's no chance  
'Cause you're the best I got  
So take a long shot

I realize that there is all this starting  
Things we're both scared about  
That we'll never see them coming  
Throw caution to the wind  
And we'll see which way it's blowing  
And to this pulling on  
We'll never see it coming  
Until it's much to close to stop

**AN: So, my posting has gotten better, but it's about to get worse again, I have a creative writing class that most of my writing will be focused on, but I promise to try and update as much as possible. My goal is to finish this one, at the end of Confessions by the end of the summer, so please, if I go too long without posting, please send me a PM yelling at me to update, sometimes I need that kick in the butt.**

I managed to get through dinner that night, but barely. The second I made it back to Billings, I broke down. I couldn't do this. I couldn't pretend that Josh meant nothing to me. He had been everything, and now I felt empty. Empty and hurt the kind of pain that just refuses to go away. I sobbed, choking on each breath that I sucked in. Of all the times I'd wished I'd had a single, none of them compared to now, because while I did this, I was aware of Noelle sitting on her bed, just studying acting like nothing was wrong, though I could see her stealing glances at me from the corner of her eye. I didn't care.

Noelle didn't last long in her silence. Out of the blue she stood up. "Okay, desperate times call for desperate measures." She said, and left the room without another word. I didn't know what was going on, but I didn't really care.

I was finally beginning to pull myself together when Noelle came back. Only this time she wasn't alone, she was followed by a long line of Billings Girls, all of them carrying chocolate, ice cream, or wine. When Noelle declared they were throwing me a Fat Phoebe party, I wasn't sure if I should be touched or offended, but the prospect of sugar and alcohol was enticing. Noelle explained to me that a previous Billings Girl named Phoebe would binge whenever she was upset, which according to her, were very often. Since then, the girls throw a _Fat Phoebe_ party whenever one of them got depressed. Apparently it was my turn, and I was in no position to turn down the prospect of wine, chocolate and ice cream. I nodded to the girls and we settled in for a long night.

I woke up in the morning with a killer headache. The few rays of sun streaming through the window burned my eyes. I knew that I had had way too much to drink, but last night I could've cared less. I loved that I finally had a chance to bond with these girls, and if I'm being honest, I've more than warmed up to them already.

I refused to allow the massive hangover I was currently experiencing to ruin my day. Last night I had realized that I am a free woman. I can date whomever I want, and better yet, I can be _friends_ with whomever I want. I hopped out of bed, ready to face the day. Noelle noticed the dramatic change "well, someone's in a good mood this morning." Noelle sang. On most days I would've had a sarcastic bite back, but even Noelle couldn't ruin my day. I just ignored her and continued to the bathroom.

As I walked with the girls to breakfast, I began to panic. Would Josh be in there with Ariana? My breath caught in my throat, and I couldn't breathe, I couldn't walk. My body had shut down, I was beginning to panic. I was vaguely aware of someone calling my name. I turned to Lily. She managed to calm me down and convince me that Josh and Ariana definitely wouldn't be together. "They shouldn't even be willing to show their faces in here after what they did to you." She said.

"I'm _so_ glad we kicked her out. Don't worry Reed, if we need to, we'll kick her ass." Noelle added.

The smile on her face implied that she wouldn't mind having ass to kick. I managed to smile in response. These girls were such amazing friends to me, and I had never noticed before.

I made it through breakfast without spotting Josh or Ariana. I made a conscious effort to _not_ look around to seek out Josh, like I usually did. Instead, I focused on the conversation at the table around me. Apparently, they were looking for a rebound guy for me. I had to admit that I was just a little bit excited. They refused to tell me names, but I _did_ know that one of them was in my chemistry class next period. Suddenly, I couldn't wait for class to start.

Class came soon enough. Sitting at the back, I had the perfect view of all of the guys in the class. I wasn't really listening to the lecture at the front of the class about reactivity. I was lucky that I even heard when he said to get into our lab groups for the lab on reactivity. Lithium, sodium, magnesium, calcium, aluminum, and potassium all sat in front of us. Because I hadn't been paying attention, I allowed the others to take the lead, and I just sat back and watched. When everyone else took a step back when the potassium was put into the water, I wasn't paying attention, and stayed close to the beaker.

Sparks flew, flying out of the mesh cover of the beaker. A particularly large one landed in my ponytail, and my hair caught fire. I screamed. I was panicking and couldn't remember what I was supposed to do. As the teacher ran up with a fire extinguisher, Dimitri came running up behind me with the fire blanket. He managed to put the fire in my hair out.

I turned around to thank him, and saw something I had never seen before, he was _gorgeous_. I guess I had never cared because I was with Josh, but now all of a sudden, I was seeing him differently than before. I stared at him blankly for a moment, before mumbling out a thank you.

"I'll consider it even if you'll go out with me this weekend, Reed." Dimitri replied. At first I thought he was joking, but looking into his eyes, I realized he was serious. The bell rang. It _really_ couldn't have rung thirty seconds ago?

I walked to the door with Dimitri, and quietly told him "Yeah, I'll go out with you this weekend."

I could've sworn I'd seen the back of Josh's head as he stormed away. For a moment I felt guilty, but then I realized I had no reason to, he was the one who had cheated on me. I had the right to move on.

Lunch couldn't come quickly enough. I needed to talk to the girls about Dimitri, even though I didn't feel the same way about him as I did Josh, he really was a great guy, and he deserved a chance. For all I knew, things would work out perfectly with him, and I would be able to get that mental picture of Josh and Ariana out of my head.

As my teacher droned on at the front of the class, I zoned out, unable to focus. I received a note from Constance. _What's up with you, did something happen? Is it Josh?_

If only she knew. I just looked back at her with a smile and a wink. She would find out soon enough. She glared back at me, but I could see a hint of a smile in her eyes.

When I finally arrived at our table for lunch, all the girls turned their eyes in my direction, looking at me expectantly. I tried to look innocent, but I was bursting at the seams to tell them. "What?" I asked.

Noelle rolled her eyes "Oh come on Reed, we all heard about what happened with Dimitri. Now we want details."

I tried to look irritated but I didn't do a very good job of it. "Well, what did you guys already hear?" I asked, trying to contain my excitement.

Noelle replied quickly "You were in Chem class with Dimitri and you're going out with him this weekend. My source wouldn't say how he managed to swing that."

"well," I explained "my hair caught fire and he put it out for me. Then he asked me out, and I just said yes. Is there a problem with that?"

Noelle laughed "I thought you had figured it out. Dimitri is one of your rebound guys. We just weren't expecting you to be willing to go along with this so willingly, or to choose so quickly."

I laughed uneasily. I really had no idea how much control Noelle held over me. I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of that, not that it would've changed my decision, but I felt naïve none the less. We continued to prattle on about what had happened with Dimitri, the girls wanted all the details they could get their hands on. By the time we left to go to our classes, I couldn't get my mind off of Dimitri, and consequently, Josh. What would he think? What's he going to do? What will _I_ do if he confronts me about it? I didn't have answers to any of these questions, and they continued to run through my mind over and over again.

For the rest of the day I couldn't focus. I was distracted, and was glad that I wasn't called on because I wouldn't have known what to say. Lost in my thoughts all day, class went by surprisingly quickly, I had no idea what had happened, but before I knew it, the day was over and I was heading back to Billings.

The second I walked back in through the doors, I was assaulted with even more questions. The three hours we had before dinner flew by faster than my classes. Sitting in the dining hall, I was able to focus a little more, but the moment I noticed Dimitri walk in, all of that flew out the window. I was infatuated to the point of it being embarrassing.

Out of the corner of my eye, I couldn't help but watch him. Very quickly, Dimitri was starting to feel like more than a rebound. This scared the living crap out of me. It was so soon, and I wasn't even _close_ to over Josh. Every thought of Dimitri was followed by a thought of what Josh would think.

It seemed that the girls had noticed the change. I was no longer blissfully happy wand distracted. I was confused about what to do, how to respond to Josh. If I should even care about what Josh has to say. The only issue I refused to consider was the problem with Ariana. I hardly knew her, but I did know that she hated be for getting her kicked out of Billings.

I finally made my way back to Billings, glad to be away from the pressures the dining hall now held. I was lost in my thoughts, and I didn't notice anything strange until I got to Billings. As I unlocked the door, I got the feeling that someone was watching me. Even though I thought I was being paranoid, I turned to look behind me, seeing the outline of someone as they disappeared behind Ketlar. I tried to shake it off, chalking it up to nerves and stress, but I rushed inside, being sure to lock the door behind me.

**AN: so, if you guys are wondering, potassium will really do that in water. That was an exaggeration of something that actually happened in my chem class. The girl's hair didn't catch fire, but she was hit with a spark that flew out of the beaker and freaked right out. **


	45. Chapter 44 I Do Not Hook Up

Chapter 44: I do not Hook Up.

But boys will be boys  
Oh yes they will  
They don't wanna define it  
Just give up the game and get into me  
If you're looking for thrills then get cold feet  
Oh no I do not hook up, up  
I go slow  
So if you want me  
I don't come cheap  
Keep your hand in my hand  
And your heart on your sleeve  
Oh no I do not hook up, up  
I fall deep  
'Cause the more that you try  
The harder I'll fight  
To say ... Goodnight

The rest of the night passed uneventfully. I convinced the girls to leave me alone by telling them that I was nervous with Dimitri the next day. I was, but that wasn't why I needed to be left alone. The truth is, I still needed to come to terms with my breakup with Josh. I hadn't been given the chance. I woke up after a night of next to no sleep, completely unprepared for my date that night. I was beginning to panic when I noticed Noelle stirring. She was about to wake up. I didn't want to deal with her this morning. It was finally Saturday, so I didn't have class to get to. I quickly changed into my soccer shorts and was out the door. A run in the cool morning air cleared my head, helping me to think more clearly.

I just did a lap of the campus. In the forty-five minutes it took for me to do my run and make it back to the dorm, my head had finally cleared, and I was ready to face Noelle and the day. I made it back to Billings. I kept my head high, though I knew I had been out this morning simply to escape their scrutiny, and I needed a confidence boost if I was going to make it through my date with Dimitri tonight.

I spent most of the day in the dorm studying and hanging out with the girls, but four hours before I had to leave, I was dragged to the bathroom Noelle and I share to get ready. _Four hours_. That's how long it took them to get me ready for this date. I had never spent that long getting ready for something in my life.

Four hours later, I was finally deemed _presentable_ and ready to go on my date. I was looking forward to it, if only to escape from this room and all the pricking and prodding I had received. I was in the common room waiting. Dimitri was late. I was starting to get pissed off. He asked _me_ out. He should have the decency to at least show up on time.

Twenty minutes late, Dimitri finally showed up. He flashed me a smile and expected me to swoon and forget all about him being late. It didn't work. For a brief moment, I began to accept it as an apology, before reminding myself that it wasn't at all. I gave him a look to show him just how upset I was, but he wasn't even looking at me, and he still had that stupid smug smile on his face. I rolled my eyes and realized just how stupid I was to agree to go out with him.

Dimitri had managed to get us passes off campus, and led me to his car. My breath caught in my throat. It was the _exact_ same as Josh's. I couldn't help but think of all the time I had spent in Josh's car. I fought back tears and was filled with a brand new determination. I would have fun with Dimitri tonight, even if it would never go any farther than that. Dimitri flashed his winning smile and I forced myself to smile back. Dimitri's grin grew even wider as he opened my door for me. I climbed in, thinking that aybe I'd gotten the wrong impression and judged him too harshly.

Dimitri got into the driver's seat, making small talk. I kept up the conversation and tried to focus on him, but I couldn't. My mind kept wandering to Josh, and then I would see him and Ariana in the Art Cemetery. I looked into Dimitri's eyes, seeing something I hadn't seen in Josh's in a long time, hope. That one look cleared my head of all thoughts of Josh.

Dinner passed in a blur. Dimitri was great, but I didn't feel the same as I did with Josh. I wondered if it was a good thing. I thought Dimitri was a gentleman, but when we got back to his car, he ambushed me. His lips crushed into mine and he shoved his tongue roughly down my throat. I couldn't back away, I was stuck between him and the car, and he didn't seem to notice me shoving him away. This was wrong, all wrong. I was finally starting to think that maybe we could have something eventually. A sob forced its way up my throat, but he still didn't get the message. He opened the door to the back seat, and I knew immediately what he meant, and there was _no_ way that was happening. I shoved him, much harder this time. He pulled away from me, giving me this terrible, disapproving look. That did it.

"I cannot _believe_ you!" I exploded. He was shocked, he tried to hide it, but it showed. "You think that you can just _attack me_ like that? I don't know what kind of girl you think I am, but I definitely don't just hook up with a guy I just met like that." I shoved him away from me, and before giving him a chance to try and explain, I walked away.

"Reed, where are you going?" He yelled.

"I am leaving, thank you very much." I yelled, neglecting to look back at him.

"Fine, whatever." He huffed, before hopping into his car and starting the engine.

It would be a long walk back to Easton, but I would rather walk than get into the car with that loser. I walk for a long time before my heels start to hurt my feet, and I wish the girls had let me wear flats. Dimitri had long since passed me, and I begin to worry that I've gotten myself lost. I haven't spent much time in town, and the drive to the restaurant being that long. I begin looking for somewhere to go in and ask for directions, but I refuse to admit that I am lost, and I don't want to call anyone to pick me up, that would be _way_ too embarrassing.

I hear a car pull up beside me and my muscles automatically tense. I don't know who it is, and the tinted windows hide whoever it is from me. The window rolls down, and I feel my feet moving backwards, and my legs tensing to run.

"Oh, come on Reed. What's your problem?" Noelle's haughty voice echoes in the empty street, and I laugh at my own paranoia. I open the door and hop in, grateful for the ride, and for the pressure off of my aching feet.

"Now, why did you not call me after you ditched that jerk at the restaurant?" Noelle asked me.

I didn't want to admit it, least of all to her, but I eventually got the words out of my mouth. "I was embarrassed, and I had too much pride to admit that I needed anyone."

Noelle shook her head at me, but said nothing. We rode the rest of the way to Easton in silence, and I realized that this was really the first time I had spent any time alone with Noelle, aside from at night, when I pretended to be asleep when she came in.

**AN: So, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and I want you to know, there will be some more Josh in the next chapter. Please stay with me, and **_**PLEASE**_** review, I'm missing the love.**


	46. Chapter 45 All I Ever wanted

Chapter 45: All I Ever Wanted (Kelly Clarkson)

**AN: This was supposed to be up over March break but, that just wasn't going to happen. It's a little late, but enjoy!**

Noelle was parking the car, and I was heading back to Billings. I hoped that I wouldn't see anyone on my way over there. I didn't want to have to explain, or act all cheery for them. Of course, fate was not on my side. The last person I ever wanted to see again was standing in the middle of the quad as I made my way over to Billings. I hoped that if I stayed in the shadows, he wouldn't see me and I could make it back to Billings without having to talk to him. No such luck. Just as I thought I was home free, Josh saw me, calling out to me. I planned to just keep walking, but all of a sudden I was more pissed than upset with him.

I turned around to face him, and seeing that hopeful look on his face made me even madder. He seemed to think that I was ready to forgive him, not even close. My mind was reeling. In that moment, I hated him even more than I had when I first found him with Ariana. That tore me apart, but I could deal with it in the moment. I didn't think I could ever forgive him, and he should expect nothing less after the Hell he has put me through.

"I can't believe you. The nerve you have. I catch you cheating on me, and then you expect me to just forgive you? That's not going to happen." I took a deep breath, and Josh opened his mouth to speak, but I wasn't finished yet. "How long have you been with Ariana behind my back? You know what, I don't even care."

I turned around to walk away before I did something I would regret. Josh caught my wrist as I tried to walk away. "No Josh. _I'm DONE!_ You didn't just break my heart, you _shredded_ it and stomped on it. If I wasn't enough anymore you should've just left me. I stayed with you through a lot. All of the accusations, the lies, Thomas' death, all of it but this is the last straw. Don't try to talk to me again."I turned around and ran for Billings, trying to stop the tears streaming down my face. I didn't want anyone to see me like this, but I felt totally out of control. My eyes burned with unshed tears, and the trees blurred before me.

I made it into Billings and collapsed to the floor. I didn't have enough energy or the will to take one more step after the night I'd had. My legs shook beneath me though I was already collapsed on the floor. My body wracked with sobs that I tried my best to contain. I didn't want them to see me like this, but I was out of control.

I was sure the girls were staring at me, but I didn't care. I was miserable, and after tonight, I had every right to be. At some point Noelle came back from parking the car and coaxed me up to our room before finally allowing me to collapse on my bed.

Josh POV

It is official. I am the biggest idiot on the face of the planet. Everything Reed said was true and yet I held out hope that she would hear me out, not that I deserve it. I allowed something to happen between me and Ariana, even though I should have known better. I don't know what came over me. All of a sudden, I just couldn't seem to control myself. In the back of my head, I could hear a small little voice telling me that what I was doing was wrong, but even though I heard it, I couldn't seem to stop. I had considered telling Reed this, but she was right. I had done nothing good for her. All I had done from the beginning was accuse her, and suck her into my problems, and yet, she had always forgiven me for all of it, but I guess this was all she could take, and I didn't blame her for ending things. I was almost ready to when I thought there was a chance that she had cheated on me with Thomas.

"Stupid, stupid stupid!" I mumbled to myself.

I heard a familiar, high-pitched annoying laugh from behind me. Ariana. I wheeled around to face her.

"This is as much your fault as is mine. You did this just to hurt Reed."

"And why did you do it Josh?" Ariana sneered at me.

I fought for words. Why _did_ I do it? I couldn't think of an answer for myself, much less one for Ariana.

"Exactly. You just couldn't resist the temptation. You clearly don't love Reed as much as you claim to." Ariana turned and stalked away from me, leaving me absolutely speechless. I realized the truth of her words and it shocked me. I felt myself losing control. I had done this to myself, but I had never meant for it to happen.

I gawked at her back, wishing there was something witty I could come up with to say to her. Of course, I came up with nothing and stood there continuing to look like an idiot, and feeling even worse about myself. I hated myself even more than before. My mind was reeling. I wanted only to fix my terrible, life altering mistake, but I knew there was no hope. Reed would never forgive me for this, and she shouldn't.

At some point, my feet took me back to my room, where I promptly collapsed on my bed with a groan, wishing I could turn back time.


	47. Chapter 46 Conspiracy

Chapter 46: Conspiracy

**AN: I know, I suck, but at least it is finally up. I really hope you guys enjoy. R&R.**

Reed POV:

I knew that I wouldn't get away with avoiding the topic of my disastrous date with Dimitri forever, but I had hoped that I would have a couple of days at least. I was more than wrong. After breakfast the next morning, I returned to Billings only to be bombarded with questions. I had barely made it back into the commons before I was swarmed. I tried to answer their questions, but they quickly became too much. I had them all sit down so that I could recount the previous night's events to them.

To say some of them were shocked was an understatement, but what shocked me was that they were just as shocked with my response as with what Dimitri did. In the end, they finally decided that I was clearly right, and that Dimitri was an ass. When I finally told them about what happened with Josh, albeit reluctantly, Noelle looked about ready to storm out and rip his head off. Her extreme reactions were still a mystery to me, I didn't know why she took such an interest in me in the first place but I was touched by her anger none the less. I was still furious with Josh, and he was the last person I had waned to see last night. I knew that he had not been at fault for running into him last night, but that didn't lessen my anger with him. If he hadn't been such a cheating, lying, heartbreaker, I wouldn't have been out on that date, and I would have been happy to run into him.

Over the next couple of days, I fell into a depressing routine. If not for the Billings Girls, and Constance who had taken me back with open arms, I would have lost all sense of life. They had finally given up on trying to talk me into finding a new guy, as their last attempt certainly didn't go well, and I was not up to try again.

As great as they had been, I needed time to myself. I managed to swing some time off campus for a shopping excursion. I had even managed to get away by myself, though it hadn't been easy. I didn't have the options here in Easton that the other girls would have wanted, and I was sure that was the only reason they hadn't insisted on coming with me.

I wandered through the shops, not really buying anything, just glad for the day away from the craziness on campus. After hours of wandering aimlessly, I was almost back at campus, ready to return. I crossed the final street before I would be back at the academy gate, when I heard the squeeling of tires.

I whipped my head to the side, and saw a car coming right at me, the lights blinding me. I threw myself out of the way, the car barely missing me. I lay on the ground behind one of the trees on the boulevard as the car whipped around, and drove off. When I finally lifted my head, I caught a glimpse of blond hair, and realised with a start that it was _Josh's _car.

My breathing spiked. I could feel myself getting dizzy. It wasn't possible. Josh was pissed at me I knew, but not enough to try to run me over. I was still lying on the ground, still shocked beyond belief when I felt someone touching my shoulder.

"Reed, Reed. Are you okay?" A familiar voice rang out, and I jumped away from his hand. Josh.

I heard the wail of police sirens and my attention snapped back to what had happened. Someone had tried to _kill_ me. And there was a good chance that person was Josh. Josh, whom I had believed could never hurt a fly, but who had proved me wrong when he hurt me beyond belief. There was no way I could trust him, though I wanted to believe that I had been mistaken in what I saw.

I answered questions from the police, inching away from Josh the whole time, and he was taken into custody immediately. Seeing the pain and regret in his eyes as he was taken away almost broke my heart again. I blinked back the tears burning the back of my eyes, as I was lifted into an ambulance so that I could be looked at in a hospital before I was returned to school.


End file.
